Wednesday, February 5, 2014

A Blogging GPS?

I never could read a road map.  People suggested that I orient the map by holding it in the direction I was headed, but that didn't help.  It was a series of little letters and indecipherable lines, and I once went halfway across the state of Pennsylvania before I realized that I had missed Philadelphia by a couple of hundred miles.

Then the GPS entered my life.  It told me it would give me a current map right on my dashboard.  It promised that it would always be with me and could get me through storms, darkness, traffic, and a generalized mistaken notion of where certain states like South Dakota might be. And it has done what it promised.  It has also taken me to empty lots and told me that a house stood there, and told me turn the wrong way on one-way roads.  Then, there was the cliff incident in Colorado where the GPS brought our vehicle to the edge of oblivion and directed us to proceed on foot.  It could have said just as easily, "Turn left and follow the road around the cliff."

So, now I sit in front of a different dashboard and I wonder where I should turn with this blog.  I need a GPS to say, "Explore this!"  or "Investigate that!" or offer any other advice as long as it ends with an exclamation mark!!!

When that inspiration strikes, I will revisit the idea of blogging... even if it leads me off the edge of a cliff.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

What makes a husband sexy?

While they're very nice, flowers aren't necessary.
Nor are chocolates or even Tim Horton donuts!
Forget the gourmet meals, the diamonds, and the week-end getaways.

The most wonderful thing a man can do to zoom his sex appeal into the stratosphere?

Pick up a paintbrush.  Trust me on this.

But the Tim Horton donuts?  A very close second!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Dear Caution,

Someone asked me for advice last week.  Now, that might seem like small potatoes to some of you, but for me it's a large baked potato with butter AND sour cream.  Oh, I get asked for advice all the time, but it sounds like this:

My ride will be here in 30 seconds; I can't find my shoes!  Do you think we have to time to go to the mall and buy a pair?

So when my friend asked my advice, we both cried a little.  I cried because it felt so good to be needed for something other than my debit card.  She teared-up because she was withdrawing from some medication.

Her request got me thinking of all this knowledge I have been acquiring for the last half-century-ish.  It used to be nicely catalogued in my brain, but now it's kind of having a free-for-all up there. That must mean it's time to Spring clean a little.  Perhaps if I share some of that hard-earned knowledge with you, things will quiet-down a little in my brain.  And, no.  I will not use anymore hyphenated phrases for the rest of this post.

Today's advice ~
If you really want to appreciate the flowers in your yard, don't overdo it when it comes to planting.  An entire bed of blooms will simply detract from the true beauty you might otherwise experience.  Thus, you should plant judiciously and opt for a minimalist approach.  That is why I have planted TWO bulbs.  Imagine our joy when they blossomed into full beauty this week!!  The love those flowers have received from this family is tremendous.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Where dreaming moves closer to reality

She says she wants to be a teacher, and we encourage her by saying,
 "You'll never get a job."

To test her resolve, we suggested that that she help her brother through his homework last night: a task which typically exhausts us and makes him absolutely overwhelmed.

She never raised her voice.  He never cried.

And in just a few minutes, she convinced him that he did know how to do division - all by himself!

She's going to be a mighty fine teacher.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Keeping Watch

Sometimes a guy should be allowed to nap without his fan club hovering nearby.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Brave enough to ask the big questions

Do you ever think about your friends?  I do.  I think about how nice or pretty or funny they are.  I think about how they don't have gray hair and probably shave their legs more often than I do.  But I've begun to wonder if I really know them?  Sure, I can spell their names, find their houses, and call their pets by name ... kind of.  But what about the things I don't know?   What if they're famous and I'm missing out?  What if they have an evil clone - will I know my friend enough to pick her out?  These are the things that keep me awake at night and Facebook has been of no help to me whatsoever.

For example, there's Caution.  No.  Not me.  But a friend who shares my first name and last initial.  It caused a mix-up once or twice, but our husbands apparently know who we are and that helps.  Here's what I do know: she is a numbers wizard.  She speaks math as her second language and she doesn't even have an accent! I also know she is a great scout leader and her cooking/baking/entertaining would make Martha cry with jealousy.  She's probably a lot nicer than Martha, too.  So what else could I possibly need to know?  For starters, does she ever cheat and use her fingers to count?  Can she hula hoop?  Plain pretzels or with mustard?

See what I mean?  You think you know someone, but what you DON'T know may be more interesting and valuable.

There's another friend around here.  Another scout leader and capable leader. I KNOW that she's smart and fun and that she thrives on organization and creative ideas.  She is also fond of pirates. So what is it that I don't know?  Does she floss as often as she probably tells the dentist?  Creamy or chunky peanut butter? Christmas music before Thanksgiving or not?  And though she might want to sing karaoke, do WE want her to?

So what is my point here you ask desperately hoping there is one. Rest assured, I am very point driven and today's is this:  Do we know each other beyond names, general continent of residence, and whether or not we have the ability to type withouttt typos?

If you've been curious about who I am, here are the answers:
over the top of the roll,
as little as I have to,
about $51.86.

Doesn't that feel better??? We are actually getting to really know each other and I couldn't be happier.
Anything else you need to know, just ask.  In the meantime, I'm going to log back into Facebook to find out if my friends have birthdays or not.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

At what point will he understand?

Every time my daughter has a choir concert, the director decides that in addition to the choir uniforms, there will be one special number requiring a different set of clothing.  He assures us that he chooses clothing that all students will already have in their closets.   Of course, my daughter never has the clothing in her closet or dresser or under her bed or even on her floor.  So on Saturday we headed over to Target for the required Converse shoes for this week's concert. 

When we got there, we took a cart because everyone knows you can't walk out of Target with just one thing.

Seventeen hours later while waiting in the check-out line, I noticed the couple in front of us.  The husband seemed to speak civilly to his wife, but each of her responses was curt and then grew to snippy and finally to rude.  The husband, who had at first been gracious to the cashier, appeared to take his frustrations with his wife out on the cashier.  The more the wife snapped at the husband, the more the husband began to snap at the cashier.  That's when karma, justice, or whatever you want to call it happened. 

Each time the husband snapped, criticized, or complained, the cashier began to work slower.  Not only would she painstakingly slowly scan the product, but she then would struggle to get it into a bag, and then would have to decide if she wanted to tie the bag or not, and then would deliberate putting the bag on the counter or not.  That hesitation would cause the husband to snap at her again, and her speed would again slow down.

The decrease in speed happened incrementally, but after twenty or so items, the cashier was working at a rate of near paralysis. 

I enjoyed the cashier's solution and would have thought it was greatly humorous had I not been next in line.

Good things come to those who wait, however.  As we FINALLY prepared to leave the store, the Starbucks barista gave us the cutest little samples of a berries and creme frappe.  The couple in front of me?  Well, they paid $10 for frappes only slightly larger than our FREE samples. 

And my daughter and I lived happily ever after.