Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Detroit: "Where the Weak are Killed and Eaten"

I've read some blogs recently where the writers complain about their towns being boring and unexciting. To prove these writers wrong, I thought we should examine some other American towns. Let's start in Detroit.

Long known as the Motor Capital of the World, things are looking a little troubled these days.

Did you know that:

Detroit is the most dangerous city in America?

Detroit is home of America's Nazi party?

Detroit is one of the most impoverished cities in America?

Detroit has one of the highest child malnutrition levels in America?

There are some neighborhoods where the USPS (one of my BFF's) will not provide residential mail delivery because the neighborhoods are too dangerous?

That fewer than 25% of students attending Detroit Public Schools actually graduate from high school?

Now, I don't know about you, but it sounds to me like Detroit is a happenin' place. Need more convincing?

Try this:

The mayor of Detroit allegedly had a party at his city-provided mansion. The party included lots of fun-family activities for this married father of four. Some of the fun was provided by the strippers. When Mrs. Mayor arrived home, she attacked one stripper so brutally that the stripper required medical attention.

When the police were called to quell the storm and began to investigate, they were honored for their honesty and promoted summarily fired.

At some point later, the stripper who was beginning legal activities toward some above-named individuals, was murdered. Some Detroit media speculate that Detroit police were involved.

Enough yet? Moving to Detroit as soon as possible? Let's continue:

Although the mayor denied that he was having a romantic relationship with his chief of staff and lied under oath about it, the 12,000 text messages they exchanged and which revealed their relationship and other news, eventually were made public. When those messages first threatened to come to light, a pay-out of 9 million dollars was made to keep the info "under wraps." Who paid the 9 million? The impoverished citizens of the city.

What??? You need more convincing???

The mayor has since been indicted, but he won't step down from his post because he is on a "mission from God" to lead his great city. The poor Lord.

And how about this week's city council meeting where one member wore a princess dress and tiara because it was her birthday?

There's more. Much more, but I'll stop now because I am getting all confused.

But not all Detroit news is bad. The city has stopped its citizens from trying to burn large portions of the city down every Halloween Eve (aka Devil's Night.) And don't forget the new casinos where the homeless are often seen working the slot machines.

There really are some good things about Detroit. There are renovated museums and big-time sports venues, and other tourist-worthy attractions. However, when Detroit is googled, these stories I've mentioned will be the first hits on the results page.

So next time you get dissatisfied with your town, think how it could be worse. You could be living in Detroit.

P.S. Like the title? It's a slogan seen on shirts in the city. Point of pride thing.

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