Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Marriage Rant

For years before I met Checkered, I prayed for him. I prayed that the Lord would guide my future husband (if there would even be one). I prayed that my future husband would love the Lord, that he would hunger to serve and honor his Creator. I prayed that my future husband would make honorable decisions which wouldn't bring negative consequences and remorse later in life. I dated lots and lots of guys, but I knew none of them would be "The One." So I waited and waited and waited until I was 31 and knew "The One" was Checkered. And he frequently tells me that the best decision he ever made was marrying me. Wow!

When Checkered and I finally met and dated and married, I knew that he was really my soul mate. We "get" each other. We like each other. We learn from each other. The more love one of us shows to the other, it seems the more love the other one shows. All that said, he is exceptionally thoughtful. For example, he bought me a multi-year collection of The Waltons episodes for my birthday yesterday. He brought me roses and chocolate bumpy cake five days before my birthday just because he was excited about my birthday. He leaves for work by 6 AM, but yesterday he went to Tim Horton before he left so I would have a fun breakfast waiting for me when I got downstairs. He is a marvelous, marvelous husband. [Just between us: the Waltons are headed back to Amazon tomorrow, but wasn't that a sweet idea?] We don't keep score in our marriage, but I think there's ample thoughtfulness and love going both ways in this marriage.

Realistically, there are always going to be curves and troubles which will be components in our marriage. There are certainly things we each do which annoy the other, but we have found and continue to look for ways to compromise in order to live peacefully. In other words, while we are best friends and live together easily, it also takes work. He is a great husband and I am a good wife. Once in a while, I'm even a great wife. We choose to be that way.

I don't take my marriage for granted. I have several friends who have poured their lives into a marriage only to have it dissolve for reasons outside of their control. What my rant is about is that it seems that our society sometimes holds that a good guy is something to "hold onto," but a good woman is expected. If we have a good husband, we are lucky.

I have an acquaintance who was diagnosed a while back with a chronic and painful illness. She expected many of the reactions she got from people; what she didn't expect was that people would tell her she was lucky that her guy was still with her after the diagnosis! Do we expect that all men are barbarians? Is that how we are raising our sons?

I know that people mean well when they tell me I am lucky or fortunate or blessed or that I better hold onto this guy. I know those things. But what I wonder is if anyone ever tells him he's lucky? He's fortunate? He's blessed? (Maybe I don't want to know that answer!!) How about instead of saying, "You've really got a great husband," people could say, "I like your marriage and they way you treat each other."

And now the rant is officially over. You may now safely exit this blog

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