Wednesday, July 2, 2008

With Apologies to Kate Chopin: The Story of My Hour

We are trying to get healthier here, so the other day I agreed to meet my 6 year old after school for a bike ride home. What should have been a 20 minute activity morphed into a 60+ minute adventure. Here's the breakdown:

1. Mom realizes she's late leaving for the school.

2. She heads to garage where she locates her bike hanging from the ceiling and over a lot of other stuff.

3. After dropping the bike on her head, leaves home for school.

4. Gets one house away and realizes tires are flat.

5. After pumping up tires, leaves home again and gets two houses away before getting shoe lace tangled up in the gears.

6. Realizes that the weatherman was incorrect in his prediction of 75 degrees and sun.

7. Leaves house yet again, this time in long pants and jacket.

8. Gets 1/2 mile into trek before realizing that not only are thighs wiggly and jiggly, but they have not one muscle in them. Remembers to use easier gear.

9. Arrives at school too early to do anything but wait and breathe heavily.

10. Confounds childcare worker who has also arrived to take child to her room.

11. Retrieves bikes and tells child he can be the leader.

12. Acknowledges that child has no earthly idea where his house is.

13. Recognizes that the weatherman was right. Divests self of jacket and sneaks it into child's backpack.

13.5 Ignores child when he complains that, "For some reason, my backpack feels heavier."

14. Child stops to admire crack in the sidewalk.

15. Stops to admire sun.

16. Stops to discuss dinosaur teeth.

17. Stops to discuss favorite books.

18. Mom deeply regrets that child's bike has no brake lights to give advance warning of child's abrupt stops.

19. Acknowledges that child cannot ride in a straight line.

20. Child stops because bike seat is hurting his privates.

21. Mom and child arrive home triumphantly 30 minutes after leaving the school which is 1 mile away.

22. Mom and child celebrate their exercise by getting out the ice cream.

23. Mom and child laugh when child realizes the bike seat wasn't the source of his discomfort. Rather his backwards underwear was.

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