Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Do Not Go With the Gut Response

Truly, I have made it a goal of my adult years to avoid criticizing someone else's food choices (with the possible exception of Checkered's peanut butter devotion - but I think that's allowed.)  Seriously enough, if someone tells me they don't eat meat, I'm sad for them, but I don't screw up my face and look like I have the worst gas pains ever.  I don't.  If my friends imbibe too much and say things they might well regret later, they won't remember, but I will because we don't imbibe at all.  I also never say a word about our differences  regarding alcohol consumption.  Why?  Because I hope I am closing in on maturity.

That all brings me to last night.  As I walked into work, I was greeted by a full-time faculty member who offered me a donut.  She was really delighted and impressed with her own thoughtfulness toward those of us who labor in a dank, rat-infested dungeon while we are constantly bludgeoned with clubs as adjuncts.

Nevertheless, I declined her lovely and gracious offer by replying that as the sole daytime guardian of my children's halloween candy, I was failing.  It's just the siren voice of that chocolate, that caramel, that high sugar content which calls my name more beautifully than any human can.

The full-timer said, "What?"

 "No thanks."

My response triggered something within her which caused her to pull her chin up just under her eyebrows.  Her top lip disappeared somewhere inside her nostrils.  And those eyebrows were knit together with pure perfection.

"Candy?! Don't you know how bad that is for you?  How old are you anyway?"  And she marched off toward her office.

It took me several hours to recognize the irony of her reaction to my refusal of her donuts in favor of candy.

And in there somewhere is probably the solution to the mystery of why I have never been invited to join their full-time faculty.

Do you suppose it's too late to ask for that donut?


Della Hill said...

I found you through Country Girl.
I also don't drink alcohol and am trying to avoid doughnuts.
And I have an aversion to abnoxious full timers, lol.
Good post, it made me laugh.

Betty said...

Funny! At least you said no to the donut. I would have had it and the candy! :)

As Cape Cod Turns said...

Since when is candy worse than donuts? They are both tasty, sometimes chocolaty and go straight to my thighs, but I wouldn't judge if anyone ate one or the other! Some people have a lot of nerve!

Julie said...

I cannot tell you how much I LOVE your work stories... and I have to confess a little scared of that university...whichever one it is... wow.

Mental P Mama said...

Good choice. Donuts having all that trans fat and all;)

Pancake said...

Pretty funny! Maybe for Christmas you can bring her a box of doughnuts

Big Hair Envy said...

Maybe one day you will grow up, eat donuts and be invited to join the inner sanctum!! Bwahaha! I'm thinking that maybe you won't want to:)

Come back by my site. I added eye candy!

Jan said...

Oh yeah...I was just sitting here thinking how I wish I had a big ole Krispy Kream donut instead of this bag of M&M's because THE DONUT WOULD BE A MUCH HEALTHIER CHOICE After the morning I've had it's a good think I don't have a donut because I would probably dunk it in rum and I don't drink either.

Unknown said...

I would have hit her, stole the donuts, AND not shared any of MY candy.

I will start my own college and you can be Dean of the Whole's that?

I love ya! You always make me smile!


Dr.John said...

Never , never refuse a donut. You just get people mad and it tastes good.
What's a little extra weight?

Anonymous said...

There's a line in Lemony Snicket (the books, not the movie) where a girl calls someone a "cake sniffer." I think you should have called her a "donut sniffer" under your breath and walked away all snooty like. I mean, I'd take the candy too. You made the right choice.