Friday, January 16, 2009

Checkered's Other Wife


Checkered got a new car last year, and fell instantly head-over-heels in love. Given the choice: Caution or the car, well I'm not sure what he would choose.


Every day after work, he would vacuum it out. It's a little car, and often he was the only rider, but that vacuuming would go on and on and on. The kids didn't understand it. I was patient, though, because I was certain he would vacuum my gravel hauler family van out next. Didn't happen.


The kids didn't enjoy riding with him because they were reprimanded if they exhaled (an exaggeration, of course!) or touched the dash with their feet. Okay, I get that one!


Then last summer, Checkered didn't stop as quickly as the car in front of him. The other car was a bit messed up, but not the Caliber! (You see, American cars are just fine, thank-you.) Checkered's car had the equivalent of a zit on the front. Oh, how he fussed between vacuumings. He actually took the hair dryer out there and tried to reform the zit. Then he had the damage appraised - to fix a car zit. The kids and I shook our heads and silently laughed.


He tried to tell me he was proud of his car, and that bothered me on many levels. I didn't understand his open affection for a car. A Caliber, of all cars.


A few weeks after the zit incident, a coworker referred to Checkered's car as a Barbie car. I know that hurt Checkered, but the kids and I thought it was pretty funny.


Then the snows began and the vacuuming stopped. But the winds picked up, too. Checkered has always parked his car about 1/4" from the basketball net because that will always prevent our children from touching his car when they are in the driveway, you know. But ... and you know where this is going, don't you? One night during the holidays, we had wind gusts of 50 mph. Come on, you have to know where that basketball pole and net went, don't you? Yup, right onto Checkered's true love. A lot more than a car zit this time.


Of course, the damage is already fixed, but the kids and I couldn't help but laughing right out loud when we each looked at the dents, gouges, and scrapes.


I'm sorry, Checkered, but if that vacuum comes back out every night come spring, you, I, and the Caliber are going to have to find a counselor.

16 comments:

McEwens said...

OMG!!! I am so happy to read another post where a man is so in love with his car!!!

My Metabolic Rate is Stuck said...

LMAO!! MEN and their VEHICLES! Seems we have to buy new tires way too often. And Heaven forbid if you need to use his vehicle, instead of your own!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Men and their toys! How funny!

Living on the Spit said...

I know what you mean...Hard Working Man cares more about he 15 game systems then anything else...men are soooo weird...

I had a really good dream this morning about waking up in Dale Earnhardt Junior's arms...yeah..don't know where that one came from...it must be getting close to racing time!!

Marlene

Mental P Mama said...

What is it that makes them do stuff like that? Really?

Checkered said...

You think I'm bad, you should have seen my father in his prime. Now there's a piece of work. Garbage bags in the glove box, just in case someone got sick or was too dirty to sit on his seat. It's all "relative." HA!

Betty said...

ROTFL!! Are you sure it´s not my husband you´re talking about?? You could be!

Pleasing Procrasinator said...

He would probably go into shock if he found himself in my car. You have to move things around to be able to put your feet on the floor.
Cookie hates it when I leave him stranded with only my car to drive.
I want to know why they get the better car even though you are the one running all errands and shuffling kids, his own blood, around. Doesn't make sense.

Big Hair Envy said...

Isn't it ironic that the car he loves so much is an absolute accident magnet?? Cool Breeze had a truck like that once....it was doomed from the start!

Laura ~Peach~ said...

sigh... I could not tell you the last time my truck was touched by a vaccume... I am scred to look under the seats... every now and again something will try to escape when I open the door... I really must clean the truck... when it gets warm outside again.... BRRRRRRRR its COLD here I would DIE there! yesterday they said 40 degrees here - 40 there... UNTHINKABLE!

Ashley said...

Oh, NO!!! I saw that coming! Haha! It is quite funny. I babied my new car for about 2 or 3 months, then it got my standard automobile treatment. I love my car but it doesn't warrant changing my life for it. I still keep the inside of the car pretty clean but it is in desperate need of washing now. It is too cold! Good luck with the therapy. Haha!

pam said...

This totally unrelated... well, not really...
We have a basketball net in our driveway. The neighbor kids do not have one. When we leave, they sneak over and play. Now, I would never care, if they simply didn't act so secretive! I know they do this because when I pulled up to my home once in someone else's car, and they didn't know it was me, they scurried! I am a really nice lady! They don't have to run from me! I even yelled over they could come back that day, as there was no vehicle in the drive way still, and they just ran and hid like they had done something wrong! Why Caution are the neighbor kids so scared of me? Am I the scary old lady next door? I shouldn't be! I am really nice. Honest!
Other times my parents have driven by and seen kids playing here. Apparently the kids next door use the hoop more than my kid. Wasn't it nice of me to buy them a basketball hoop?! See, I am nice.
Sorry Checkered has OCD about the car. I would as well if I was rockin one that nice.

Dr.John said...

There is no greater love than a man and his car.
You can't expect him to stop loving it.

Jeannelle said...

Would you believe I've never heard of a Caliber before. Its a lovely shade of blue.

Sandra said...

My husband loves his cars, but he trades them pretty often, so I don't feel like they're competition, because he hasn't traded me in for a new model in 43 years!

Jeannelle said...

Had to return to gaze upon the gorgeous blue again.....and tell you that there is something for you at my blog.