Checkered got a new car last year, and fell instantly head-over-heels in love. Given the choice: Caution or the car, well I'm not sure what he would choose.
Every day after work, he would vacuum it out. It's a little car, and often he was the only rider, but that vacuuming would go on and on and on. The kids didn't understand it. I was patient, though, because I was certain he would vacuum my gravel hauler family van out next. Didn't happen.
The kids didn't enjoy riding with him because they were reprimanded if they exhaled (an exaggeration, of course!) or touched the dash with their feet. Okay, I get that one!
Then last summer, Checkered didn't stop as quickly as the car in front of him. The other car was a bit messed up, but not the Caliber! (You see, American cars are just fine, thank-you.) Checkered's car had the equivalent of a zit on the front. Oh, how he fussed between vacuumings. He actually took the hair dryer out there and tried to reform the zit. Then he had the damage appraised - to fix a car zit. The kids and I shook our heads and silently laughed.
He tried to tell me he was proud of his car, and that bothered me on many levels. I didn't understand his open affection for a car. A Caliber, of all cars.
A few weeks after the zit incident, a coworker referred to Checkered's car as a Barbie car. I know that hurt Checkered, but the kids and I thought it was pretty funny.
Then the snows began and the vacuuming stopped. But the winds picked up, too. Checkered has always parked his car about 1/4" from the basketball net because that will always prevent our children from touching his car when they are in the driveway, you know. But ... and you know where this is going, don't you? One night during the holidays, we had wind gusts of 50 mph. Come on, you have to know where that basketball pole and net went, don't you? Yup, right onto Checkered's true love. A lot more than a car zit this time.
Of course, the damage is already fixed, but the kids and I couldn't help but laughing right out loud when we each looked at the dents, gouges, and scrapes.
I'm sorry, Checkered, but if that vacuum comes back out every night come spring, you, I, and the Caliber are going to have to find a counselor.