The Price I Pay

I have short hair. Very short. My coiffure demands tremendous attention: body-building shampoo, no conditioner, no product. It probably doesn't need a hair dryer, but the rest of me does after a shower.

The drying part is equally as elaborate. I hold my head upside down and hop from one foot to the other for five minutes or until my hair is kinda/sorta dry or I have a heart attack.

Last Friday, just before a committee meeting at work, my hair dryer started to glow and then it imploded necessitating a quick trip to Walmart.

My new hair dryer cost $13 and has many upscale features. I can dry my hair with cool or warm or hot air. I can also call upon a snowflake setting to hold my hair, if so desired.

The air flow can be low or high and that choice determines what sport I pretend to play while my hair is drying. The low setting dictates that I act as though I'm a cross country skier. The high setting (and the hopping from foot to foot) are more attuned to mogul skiing.

There is even a top secret setting which purports to make my short hair softer and glossier.



But what I can't find no matter how hard I look is the setting which would cover my gray.

That was probably on the $18 dryer. Shoot.

Until We Are Parted by Death

Shh! Please don't tell anyone, but the news is... that I'm thinking of leaving my dishwasher. Things between us started to go bad about three months ago. With no warning, the dishwasher got a mind of its own. It wanted to be with its own friends and no longer cared about what I liked. It stopped listening, stopped caring, and then the worst part? It stopped taking care of itself.

Where there used to be clean dishes, sparkling glassware, spotless cutlery, there is now a film. A grainy, thick film which can be washed off only with a sponge.

The glassware is not etched. It is covered in what appears to be dried, dirty water.

So far, I have:

pre-rinsed the dishes
not pre-rinsed the dishes
used powder detergent
used liquid detergent
used a heat dry
not used the heat dry
turned the water temperature up
run the kitchen sink until scalding before starting the dishwasher.

If that isn't enough, I have:

used vinegar
rinse aid
CLR
orange Tang

I have run full loads and empty loads.

I have used the hottest cycle and the rinse only cycle.

But what gets me?

It was just one year ago that I left my old dishwasher because it had the very same problem.

We consulted a counselor repairman who told us there was no hope. That we should go our own ways and not look back.

Then, this new dishwasher entered my life and took my heart -- only now to stomp on it and crush it.

I stand here now, sponge in hand, preparing to wash all the dishes that just came out of the wash cycle.

And I am bereft.

Yes, my name is Caution and I am about to get my third dishwasher divorce in ten years.