Tuesday, February 10, 2009

It's Important to Always Remain Sane: A True Story

I went last week to wash the 2008-2009 winter season off my van.  Now that I've invested $3.00, winter had better stay gone.  Anyway, after I finished the carwash, I checked my phone and sure enough, there was a voicemail from Mr. Checkered.  It was Friday.  It was 2:00.  So I assumed:
  • That he was calling to say he loved me
  • That he was calling to ask what kind of pizza we were getting for dinner
  • That he was calling to say he would be home in time to pick up the boys from school.
Instead, I heard the first five seconds of his message and took a total leave of my reasoning ability.  This is what I heard,
"I'm calling with ... some really bad news.  It's ... sad.  It's terrible."

And that is where I stopped listening and THOUGHT I heard him tell me that my mother had passed on to Heaven.  Oh! I grieved immediately.  My mother! Gone!

Then, after a short while of grieving, I moved onto rage that my husband would choose the medium of voicemail to tell me that my mother had died. 

I was beside myself with anger. How thoughtless!  How stupid!  How cruel! 

And then I thought I had better be brave enough to replay the voicemail message and actually listen to it all the way through.  I would deal with divorcing Checkered after my mom's funeral.

His actual message said,
"I'm calling with ... some really bad news. It's ... sad. It's terrible.  I have to work late tonight and won't be home until 7.  I really hate this. Call me. I love you."

So my mom is wonderfully alive, I am not divorcing my husband, AND he did not get any over time pay (thank-you, Automaker Bailout Loan conditions.)

The moral of the story:  do not leave voicemail messages for a woman who may have temporarily taken leave of her rational thinking ability while in a carwash.

And, Pam?  If you refer to me as a nutty professor this time, I will understand.

14 comments:

Julie said...

Seriously, you should write a book, I love your writing and I am so sorry you heard wrong, how horrible to think for a while your mom passed away. I am glad it all turned out well, except your hubby working late.

Living on the Spit said...

I am glad your Mom is okay...My heart was on the floor. Bad Checkered...bad...no Daytona for you!

Laura ~Peach~ said...

Giggles... You continually crack me up...checkered you are a special guy LOL.

Mental P Mama said...

I swear I almost passed out. Gah.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Whew..had me for a second there!

McEwens said...

Terrible on the whole part of a message...

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on the bailout. Seriously

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

So when you coming to visit! As you can see I have plenty of room! 60 acres of woods and trails and the kids and us would have a ball. Would love to have you silly! How far are you from Virginia!

Big Hair Envy said...

A funeral AND a divorce? That's a lot for a woman to digest in eight seconds!!!

If you come to visit NNG, PLEASE let me know so I can come over and play:)

Betty said...

How can you get "your mom dieing" from "I´ll be late from work"?? :) I think the car wash really must have did something to your hearing......haha.
Glad all is well!!

pam said...

I've had my own cell phone insanity of late honey. I won't say a word. In fact, I bet I can top this, though I will not blog about it. I would be far too embarrassed to admit mine. And anyhow, you do know "Nutty Professor" is a term of endearment. I hope your readers know it as well.

mom x 2 said...

Whew, that was a close one. I was nervous for you ;) BUT, men should know, NEVER start with ... I have some bad news. I mean DUH- what was he thinking? But at least mom is alive and well.

Chris said...

Hilarious!

Sue said...

Yup, probably would have killed him when he did get home late! Glad that your mom is ok!

Anonymous said...

this post should come with a warning...I almost wet myself with tears/laughter. Thanks Caution!
jojo