It's Important to Always Remain Sane: A True Story

I went last week to wash the 2008-2009 winter season off my van.  Now that I've invested $3.00, winter had better stay gone.  Anyway, after I finished the carwash, I checked my phone and sure enough, there was a voicemail from Mr. Checkered.  It was Friday.  It was 2:00.  So I assumed:

• That he was calling to say he loved me
• That he was calling to ask what kind of pizza we were getting for dinner
• That he was calling to say he would be home in time to pick up the boys from school.

Instead, I heard the first five seconds of his message and took a total leave of my reasoning ability.  This is what I heard,
"I'm calling with ... some really bad news.  It's ... sad.  It's terrible."

And that is where I stopped listening and THOUGHT I heard him tell me that my mother had passed on to Heaven.  Oh! I grieved immediately.  My mother! Gone!

Then, after a short while of grieving, I moved onto rage that my husband would choose the medium of voicemail to tell me that my mother had died. 

I was beside myself with anger. How thoughtless!  How stupid!  How cruel! 

And then I thought I had better be brave enough to replay the voicemail message and actually listen to it all the way through.  I would deal with divorcing Checkered after my mom's funeral.

His actual message said,
"I'm calling with ... some really bad news. It's ... sad. It's terrible.  I have to work late tonight and won't be home until 7.  I really hate this. Call me. I love you."

So my mom is wonderfully alive, I am not divorcing my husband, AND he did not get any over time pay (thank-you, Automaker Bailout Loan conditions.)

The moral of the story:  do not leave voicemail messages for a woman who may have temporarily taken leave of her rational thinking ability while in a carwash.

And, Pam?  If you refer to me as a nutty professor this time, I will understand.