A few years ago, I was flower hunting. As I drove up the street where my kids' schools are, on the left was a moderately-sized nursery. But on my right was a very small greenhouse with a VISA sign hanging out front. I love underdogs and I never carry cash, so the decision was easy.
Eventually I made my way through the plants and realized that I was totally lost. The proprietor offered his assistance and I told him my woes of failing to keep any plant alive longer than a minute. He then asked me what my habits were. It was a strange question and an odd turn to the conversation, but I quickly reviewed my habits: eating ice cream with a fork, putting one sock and shoe on before the second sock and shoe, rocking myself to sleep, and so on. Just as I was about to confess all these habits to him, I heard him again asking about my WATERING habits.
I answered. But I didn't want him to think I was a bad gardener, so I actually greatly inflated the number of waterings I really gave my plants.
He said, "How odd. You see, most people understand that plants are living things and need water sometimes. Why are you hellbent of starving your plants to death?"
He laughed. I didn't.
The original purpose of this post was to announce that we planned to plant a garden this year - my first. After rereading this, perhaps it is best if I announce that we may try a single tomato plant.