Friday, July 16, 2010

FF: If I had a million dollars ...

...and yet another post where the strike-through font is king!

...I'd buy a plane ticket to more quickly get to my leisurely overnight stops in Nashville, Dallas, Colorado, Mt. Rushmore, Minneapolis, and Green Bay.  Since I don't have a million dollars, we have begun packing the pop-up.  I will admit to about 10 minutes of excitement recently regarding the trip.

...I'd buy a personal trainer since Checkered, my newest walking partner, forces allows agrees with me to stop at Starbucks when we walk.  Can you say tall mocha non-fat frappuccino?  I can.

...I'd buy some sort of hybrid toilet which would send industrial flushes when complete strangers my child needs them.  Then again, I am working my biceps and triceps with all the plunging I am forced to do each week.

...I'd buy some enthusiasm like the elderly woman at Kohl's changing room who pulled down her shirt to show me her ta-ta's yesterday.  She was a breast cancer survivor and challenged me to tell her which one was real :)  I couldn't.

...I'd buy Aging Mommy a little guest house in my yard.  Then she would be available to guide me through my reorganization attempts.  We'd start with the leftover schol supplies from last year (crayons/colored pencils) which are too old (and missing too many components) to reuse this year and too good to throw out.  We could combine them with our house-based school supplies, but that box is FULL. So what do I do?

...I'd buy my own in-house medical specialist who would tell me why my daughter has had two upper abdominal pain attacks lasting 2-3 hours and which are not helped by pain relievers.  Each attack has resulted in throwing up and a sore stomach the next day.

...I'd buy a painter to come finish my bathroom remodel which I loudly proclaimed would be finished by April 2009 2010 20??

...I'd buy more friends like the ones who took my son for a week's vacation.  He didn't even miss us, and that is just the way is should be!  Now we'll see how he does at Boy Scout camp in a tent with a much stricter environment.  I suspect he won't be missing us there either :)

and lastly, ...I'd buy the video surveillance tape of my daughter in a convenience store this week. She was frustrated that her youngest brother wouldn't answer her and wouldn't come when she told him that it was time to leave. So ... like loving sisters everywhere, she grabbed his arm and squeezed gently. Sadly, it wasn't her brother after all, but an elderly Asian woman.

These ellipses, strike-throughs, and non-parallel thoughts brought to you by:

Mommy's Idea   (Soon to be my IRL friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)




Lisa Ceaser said...

OMG, I would have died on the spot from embarrassment if I grabbed the little asian lady. Kinda funny story though, great blog fodder.

Happy FF!

Anonymous said...

Love the convienience store bit! That would have made for a great video!

Thanks for sharing your Fragments!

~Leticia, U8MyCrayons.

brainella said...

I didn't realize you can flash people at Kohls! :) LOL. That's awesome.

Marianne (aka Lucy's Human) said...

Very funny! Can't wait to read more, I'll definitely be following your blog!

Lucy's Human

Cranberry Morning said...

What a fun post to read! :-)

I'll be sure to let you know if the popcorn turns out. Thanks for the comment!

Busy Bee Suz said...

I would pay good money to see that tape as well.
Could your Daughter be having gall bladder issues??? I know she is young, but that is all this medical specialist can think of.
Have a great weekend...and just think about how much blog fodder your camping escape will bring.
Have a great non toilet clogging weekend.

so kikay said...

I’m your newest follower =) happy friday

Dina @ 4 Lettre Words said...

GREAT idea...and list.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Matty said...

Interesting enthusiasm story.

I would pay good money for a chauffeur. I like to be driven around. See the sights.

Mrs4444 said...

I think you should change your blog title to Funny as All Get Out or something like that. I am such a broken record, "You're so funny." "You're so funny." No pressure to be funny IRL or anything, haha.

On the bright side, no plungers are needed at Boy Scout camp!

And you know you don't want to FLY--You'd miss out on all the cool waysides and such.

Mark's grandma whipped out her post-boobectomy chest one day; it was traumatizing. I think you got off easy.

joanne said...

I keep sayin' "we need a Kohls!" I'm a little desperate for entertainment. Always love the FF, only second to the strike through font!

Nancy C said...

That is so funny about your daughter's whoopsie squeeze. I wish I had a camera too.

Praying her stomach feels better.

My husband and his brother could be twins, and my BIL has let me hold his hand by mistake on more than one's always funny when I freakout when I realize it...ten minutes later, usually.

Aging Mommy said...

Oh I am so looking forward to summer escapes to my little guest house - how perfect, a vacation and I get to satisfy my ongoing need to purge and organize everything in sight :-) If I bring my daughter with me I will need one of those industrial sized toilets that you plan on installing in the main house too as already at three I am finding myself plunger in hand on a regular basis too!

You are so funny, I just love your FF posts, every single one is an absolute gem.

On a more serious note, I hope you get to the bottom of the issue with your daughter as soon as possible.

TheChickenista said...

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Hope you can come on by and return the follow♥

Reviews & Giveaways


Off to the next great blog!¸.•..¸.•*¨

Betty said...

I agree with busy Bee. You should check out your daughter´s gall bladder. Sounds like that to me.
I would love to see that convenience store tape too! Priceless!

Karen MEG said...

OMG, that was too funny about grabbing the little Asian lady!

As others have said, it sounds like a gall bladder attack to me as well. I've had a couple (one that sent me to emerg)... and the symptoms sound similar to what I experienced. Almost like going through labour, but then it subsided hours later.

I've been controlling mine with diet (soft cheeses, fatty foods, just totally do me in so I try to avoid fatty foods as much as possible - nice side effect was losing about 8 pounds in the process), and although I know that the laparascopic surgery to remedy it, is fairly simple, it's still surgery, which scares me.

Love your blog!

dustinnikki said...

Hi! Following from Friendly Friday! Have a great weekend!

DustinNikki Mommy of Three

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Lucy and Ethel said...

This is one of my favorite posts... and that's saying a lot :)

I would have loved to have seen the look on your daughter's face when the elderly Asian woman turned around. Or the look on the elderly Asian woman's face.

I do hope that your daughter's abdominal pains are determined to be nothing serious!


Mental P Mama said...

...and if I had it to spare, I'd already have sent it to you! I'd like to see all that!

Kirby3131 said...

Well, you get my vote for the most laugh inducing fragments! Goodness, what a hoot.

On the flip side, I do hope that your daughter feels better.

Have fun seeing Mrs. 4444 - I heard that she was meeting Caution this summer! What fun the two of you will have!!

Kristin - The Goat

Ma What's 4 dinner said...

I'm dying laughing that your daughter assaulted the little asain woman!

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner

T said...

Just a thought on your daughter and the stomach pains….look into lactose intolerance. We (meaning me with a large dose of "No way" from the ex) just found out C is and the lactaide has been a god send to me!

And the asian lady story….girl too dang funny!

Looking forward to the Nashville trip!

Big Hair Envy said...

I'm sorry, but the elderly asian woman story made me spit out my Diet Dew!! Bwahahahaha!!

Note to self: Do not use the dressing rooms at Kohl's.

Snow White has a friend who has been clogging our toilet for YEARS! We purchased a new plunger about three years back....and named it after her!!