Wednesday, July 14, 2010

What Would YOU Have Said?


On the last day of the last month she called.  Happy for a reason to stop the lawnmower and sit awhile, I took her call and settled in for a long chat about kids, marriage, work, neighbors, and all those other things women have to say.  At the 45 minute mark of the conversation, my ears burning from the heat of my phone, I began to make my conversation-ending summation when she asked:

"Why don't you ever call me?"

My answer was completely truthful!  I'm not a phone talker.  I rarely call anyone.  I'm an emailer and texter and face-to-face talker.  And I sounded entirely defensive and completely unbelievable.

As I struggled to find a way to leave the conversation without sounding even less sincere, she asked one last question:

"I tell you my problems. Why don't you tell me yours?"

The only thing I could think of as an answer was, "Because I really don't want to."

But since I couldn't really say that and because I couldn't think of any other reason, I blamed Checkered for needing the phone and I hung up.

I still can't think of a better answer.  Can you?

20 comments:

Checkered.loves.Caution said...

I was leaning toward the one where you didn't have any problems to share. You know, great husband, perfect kids, ...

The Ninja said...

I have a friend like that...but when I see it's her calling, I don't pick up. It's just too exhausting!

Cranberry Morning said...

Oh my. I can identify with these sentiments completely. For one thing, telephones are so confining (land line) and so HOT, as you said (cell phone).

When my kids were little, I hated it when the phone rang because suddenly you'd be tethered to a phone and kids are needing this or that OR getting into stuff OR I was in the middle of homeschooling, etc.

As far as sharing personal stuff, why does everyone think we should?? There are personality differences, after all.

So, bottom line is: No matter what you figure out to tell her, there are just some people out there who think it's all about them and are bent toward victimhood.

Ellisa said...

I don't think there's anything wrong with honesty. Some friends you share things with and some friends you don't. I was just telling my mom the other day that there are friends you go to with your issues and there are friends that you go to with your issues. You're either a venter or the ventee. Rarely does a relationship come along that you are mutual in the sharing in that friendship.

The Incredible Woody said...

After 45 minutes of hearing about her and her problems, do you really think she wanted to hear about you and yours? Just sayin'.

Mental P Mama said...

I know why don't call her. Jiminey Christmas! What a big bowl of neediness....

Nancy C said...

I'm not a phone caller either. I can blame it on the kids for right now, but the truth of the matter is that I attract people who love to vent about their problems, but they don't really care about mine as much. They say they do, but I hear them "checking out" when I start talking.

I would never say that, but it's the truth

Busy Bee Suz said...

I love Checkers's answer.

You and I are so much alike. I loathe the phone...and I certainly never call anyone to whine. I don't know what I would have said, because most likely, I would not have answered in the first place. :)

Aging Mommy said...

I hate talking on the phone. Having a three year old who will not allow me to talk for more than a nano-second without interrupting and by that I mean shouting very loudly for attention gives me the perfect excuse to cut any call short. With my good friends scattered across the globe I email, facebook and skype. I love skype as you can see one another and it is free, unlike the phone where I am always thinking of the cost as well, being the curmudgeonly sort too :-)

k80 @ onegirlsjourney said...

Oooh, that's a tough one. I have a friend like that. I wouldn't tell my issues b/c I guess in my mind I'm associating myself w/ her drama. But an honest answer...that is hard. I'm usually diplomatic, but I think I probably would have lied and said something not to incite more drama.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

there are very few i woudl call to vent to and they are warned at the onset of the call I AM VENTING... then wne the vent is over usually in 5 minutes or less we get on with the fun stuff...
Ithink her questions are bizzare ... my dad often says the phone workes two ways to which i say GET ON LINE you are on my facebook you know where my blog is if you need to know whats up in my world it is there...

I am rather blunt prefer to type or text so i can edit... because i tend to hurt peoples feelings when talking on the phone OOPS>>> you can call me caution i wont hurt your feelings LOL

Anyway hang in there LOVE n HUGS!

Betty said...

You mean I can´t call you to whine?? :)
Totally understand. I hate talking on the phone too. I think you handled it well.

claudia said...

Man, and I was just going to call you to tell you all my woes.

I am not a phone person either. I am talking to people all day at work and really would rather just type when I get home. Or do no communicating at all!

Kirby3131 said...

I hardly ever call anyone, but get me talking and I don't stop. I'm sure that's why no one calls me LOL

I don't know what you can say to the person about your reasons, but good for you for answering a few of them. That was brave.

Kristin - The Goat

lostinaseaofblogs said...

I call people like that energy vampires. :) And I hate talking on the phone, too.

Matty said...

I'm fairly private and don't just offer up myself to people like that. I would tell her that I'm not comfortable sharing my issues with other people. That it's not her, it's that I don't like telling anyone.

Ma What's 4 dinner said...

I think that says it all!!

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner
www.mawhats4dinner.com

Teddy Started It said...

Hahaha...Let's trade numbers. I promise I wont call you if you don't call me.

I HATE talking on the phone. I love my friends. And I live far away from most of them. But I despise talking on the phone. Which is funny, because I LOVE to talk. As we've moved all around this country and made new friends, one of the first things I share with my new friends is "I DON'T call. You call, I say yes." I'll meet you for lunch, I'll have a coffee with you, I'll listen while you kvetch, but I will NOT call you and I will NOT yack with you on the phone. I could definitely live w/o my phone.

Jan said...

OH MY GOODNESS! I had no idea there were so many other people who dislike the phone as much as I do but I do enjoy email.

Mrs4444 said...

I guess I would say, "I guess I just don't feel a need to, but thanks."

I like Checkered's answer best.