Who Needs a Belly Ring

I am having just a bit of belt trouble. Some time ago, I found myself in need of a means by which to hold my pants in place. Some of you may believe that is because of my incredibly narrow hips and slim mid-section. Sure!


This provided a wonderful reason for me to visit my favorite addiction – Walmart. I spent about 30 seconds in the belt section and carefully chose one which I would be able to buckle. When my belt arrived home, it was met with less than favorable reviews by one unnamed fashion critic.

Back we went to the source of addiction, but this time accompanied by the aforementioned fashion critic who spent 30 minutes rejecting every choice I made.

In desperation and with three out of patience boys hiding in the clothing racks, I acquiesced, and a busy new belt was mine.

The belt went into immediate but accidental hiding in my closet, and was only recently discovered when the closet shelving collapsed early one morning. What an exciting discovery!

I was so overcome with joy at finding my lost belt that I immediately put it on and promised to wear it for lots and lots of days. Herein lies the problem. It appears that there might be a bit of soft, malleable flesh which, in EXTREME circumstances, perhaps overhangs the belt somewhat and tends to get trapped within the buckle. By the end of the day, I was the owner of a red welt about three degrees northwest of my navel.

Because I am Caution and take great care to avoid pain, the next day I carefully moved the buckle over so not to aggravate my tender, welted flesh.

Now I have a matching red welt about three degrees northeast of my navel. As the resident fashion critic says,

“ Hold your stomach in a little bit. There! The belt looks great and that's all that matters!”

Now that's encouragement!