BUSTED (with no reference to female anatomy)

My first child made a mistake when she was in middle school. She admitted that her friends liked me. No, let me correctly quote her: they "LOVED" me. She also admitted her own puzzlement at that oddity. Then my second child entered the teen years and a couple of his buddies sent me Facebook friend requests and they sometimes comment on my status (which really should make me filter my comments, now that I think about it.) So I was comfortable with being cool.

My third child has told me from his first breath that I was not cool, but I'll forgive him for his lack of understanding.

Then my final child wondered into the world and asked how many words I knew how to say while I burped. I thought about it and proudly answered that I could say one word while burping.

"That's it?" he replied. Shoulders slumping, head down in shame, he turned to leave the room and I saw the error of my ways.

"Wait!" I cried. "I'm sure I can learn lots more if I just practice a little."

My coolness confidence was busted, and this child who came into the world without any pain meds for his mother walked out of the room, leaving a broken shell where his mother's coolness used to be.