FF: A Day in the Life

My kids and I have now reached the point in the summer where we have to ask each other, "What day is it?"  We have done a great job reassuring ourselves that we will make great retirees.  Here's a glance at the week past:
On Saturday I looked at every listing on Craigslist under the search, "boat" but I promise I didn't do it while my middle boy and I were on a date to see "Seussical" where two of his "older" female friends were performing.  Who knew that a 10 year old could generate such generous hugs from gorgeous teens?

On Sunday I decided that our air conditioner was broken and decreed that we would not be using it any longer.  Checkered and I agreed that we don't need another boat. Later on Sunday I wore this shoe on my left foot

and this shoe on my right foot.  Yes, they have different sole heights.

While at a meeting at church, I realized my mistake and opted to spend the rest of the meeting bare-footed - which probably generated more attention than the mismatched shoes would have.

On Monday (and after sweltering through a miserably humid night) Checkered changed the temperature setting on our a/c and I learned that it wasn't broken at all.  I had sweated for nothing.  Our beautiful boy worked up the courage (after several YEARS) to run through the water fountain thingies at the mall.  That took immense courage for him.   I also checked the boats on Craigslist about 13 times.

On Tuesday I read the beautiful book, Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers.  I can't remember who told me to read Ms. Rivers' books, but thank-you!  I also read about a woman who dabs a little lemon juice behind her ears, so I tried it but not a single person or bumble bee noticed my new scent.  I may have checked Craigslist again.

On Wednesday I wished Checkered well on his trip with our Boy Scout and wondered how surprised he might be if I cleaned our room while he was gone, but then I took a little peek at Craigslist instead. I also shared in the joy as another of our children was recognized for his academic excellence. That just happened to take place on the field at the Detroit Tigers' game.

On Thursday I received a call from a nurse who said our insurance company had hired her to help parents like me co-manage our children's asthma.  I thanked her and asked what she would be doing for us.  She replied that she would be sending us a welcome packet of info about children and that she would be following-up with a call NEXT JUNE.

I also sent our daughter on her way with her church youth group.  I do wonder if her blue cowgirl hat will even be in one piece by the time they arrive in Wyoming, but more than that, I wonder why I don't know of any blogs from Wyoming?  I checked the Craigslist posts for boats from my phone, so that doesn't really count.

That brings us to today.  I am well aware that it is Friday.  (Thank goodness for all the Friday memes, otherwise I might not have known.) Thus far I have put on matching shoes and can only imagine what other great things are in store for me! Want to know how everyone else spent the last week?  Go here :)

FF: If I had a million dollars ...

...and yet another post where the strike-through font is king!

...I'd buy a plane ticket to more quickly get to my leisurely overnight stops in Nashville, Dallas, Colorado, Mt. Rushmore, Minneapolis, and Green Bay.  Since I don't have a million dollars, we have begun packing the pop-up.  I will admit to about 10 minutes of excitement recently regarding the trip.

...I'd buy a personal trainer since Checkered, my newest walking partner, forces allows agrees with me to stop at Starbucks when we walk.  Can you say tall mocha non-fat frappuccino?  I can.

...I'd buy some sort of hybrid toilet which would send industrial flushes when complete strangers my child needs them.  Then again, I am working my biceps and triceps with all the plunging I am forced to do each week.

...I'd buy some enthusiasm like the elderly woman at Kohl's changing room who pulled down her shirt to show me her ta-ta's yesterday.  She was a breast cancer survivor and challenged me to tell her which one was real :)  I couldn't.

...I'd buy Aging Mommy a little guest house in my yard.  Then she would be available to guide me through my reorganization attempts.  We'd start with the leftover schol supplies from last year (crayons/colored pencils) which are too old (and missing too many components) to reuse this year and too good to throw out.  We could combine them with our house-based school supplies, but that box is FULL. So what do I do?

...I'd buy my own in-house medical specialist who would tell me why my daughter has had two upper abdominal pain attacks lasting 2-3 hours and which are not helped by pain relievers.  Each attack has resulted in throwing up and a sore stomach the next day.

...I'd buy a painter to come finish my bathroom remodel which I loudly proclaimed would be finished by April 2009 2010 20??

...I'd buy more friends like the ones who took my son for a week's vacation.  He didn't even miss us, and that is just the way is should be!  Now we'll see how he does at Boy Scout camp in a tent with a much stricter environment.  I suspect he won't be missing us there either :)

and lastly, ...I'd buy the video surveillance tape of my daughter in a convenience store this week. She was frustrated that her youngest brother wouldn't answer her and wouldn't come when she told him that it was time to leave. So ... like loving sisters everywhere, she grabbed his arm and squeezed gently. Sadly, it wasn't her brother after all, but an elderly Asian woman.

These ellipses, strike-throughs, and non-parallel thoughts brought to you by:

   (Soon to be my IRL friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

FF: The Canine Perspective

My name is Pepper and I am a valued member of the Flag family.  I've been with them for two years and know them better than they think.  To prove how knowledgeable I am, I'll take you through a quick tour of their week.

First stop:

Their mailbox is frequently open after the mail has been delivered, but the neighbors' mailboxes aren't.  The bills are still in there.  The catelogues are still there.  So it remains a mystery.

Second stop:

This is Checkered's favorite after-work place.  He will eventually nod off for a few minutes and awake completely refreshed.  I would show you Caution's favorite after-work place, but it involves far fewer clothes and much more ice cream.  Don't get any ideas here that might embarrass me.

Third stop:

This is their itenary for their vacation.  Checkered is exceptionally organized.  The trip is a gazillion miles over two weeks.  Have you made your lunch date with Caution yet when she speeds through your city? Caution canNOT wait to sleep in that pop-up all those nights, but she'll survive.  Maybe.

Fourth stop:

These are the school supplies Caution's son bought yesterday.  Michigan schools don't begin until September 7, but we all know that if the kids wait until after the vacation, the supplies will be well picked-over.


Fifth stop:

This is the linen closet that Caution conquered yesterday.  She has been living in horror at the memory of her MIL dying and some relatives coming by the house and criticizing the condition of the MIL's linen closet.  Caution was shocked to find crib sheets in the back of her closet.  Yes, her baby is 8 years old now.

Sixth stop:

This is the el cheapo corn hole game they picked up at Walmart.  Some day they will get a serious tournament corn hole set like they played in Kentucky.  I'm getting sick of those bean bags flying around here, but Caution is absolutely addicted to the game.

Now, please excuse me.  I had a bath today and am absolutely exhausted from the emotional trauma of it all.

P.S. Caution is just about out of blogging ideas and thinks she may just blog through all Mrs. 4444's clever memes.

FF: Help for the Sincere Wife

There are some things the modern wife and mother must know in order to run her little universe in the most effective way.  Fortunately, I have mastered these lessons recently and am now willing to impart them to you.

Lesson 1: When the dishwasher no longer gets anything clean, and no one can find the problem, the best solution is to buy rubber dish washing gloves for each of your children OR a supply of plastic/paper kitchen products OR go to Tim Hortons often enough that the manager greets you like an old friend each time.

Lesson 2: Those film marks on the inside of the windshield which you don't notice until you are driving your children to school against the sunrise?  Erase them with a dry erase eraser. The eraser will also do wonders for wiping smudges from the screen of your phone.

Lesson 3: No time to gardening with that annoying attention-seeking fertilizing and weeding and pruning and watering?  Just plant some Knock-out roses and check them in a year.  You'll be amazed at their cooperation.

Lesson 4: When your husband asks you for 16 years what you would like for Mother's Day/birthdays/Christmas, do NOT say, "Nothing" because there will come a Father's Day where you ask him in desperation what he would like and he will say, "Nothing" - but he won't mean it anymore than you meant it
 when you said it.

Lesson 5: If your neighbors have paid $1,300 for their pool heaters and spend $100/month to run them, tell your husband a secret!  He, too, can have a solar heater for the pool that he will take great pride in because he will build it.  After spending $50 on materials and one hour of his time, the heater won't work.  Don't feel guilty!  A few days later, he will say, "Let's go camping again," and you will answer, "Um...sure."  If you say it just right, he will think your grimace is a smile and all will be well.

Now go!  Visit these people who are so much smarter than I am.

FF: Questions

What did I receive after shipping off my half of a garden swap?  Nothing...yet...

Did I love winning the blog giveaway for coupons for free yogurt?  Well, yes.  And when I realized I had won more than coupons, well, life was grand!  I do wish I could remember which blogger hosted the giveaway.

Do I say /koo-pons/ or /kyoo-pons/?  It would be the latter.

Did I survive my first 24 hours of driving the truck around town?  Yes, with the exception of one narrow experience in the Tim Hortons drive-thru.  I will NOT reveal which of us was maybe too wide.

Did my son turn in his school pictures without ever showing them to me? Yes.

Do you suppose it's ironic that the Ti plants my mom and I have which are purported to bring good luck have never sprouted?

Did I fool anyone this week?  Yes.  Pickiest eater in the world was easily convinced that the pineapple in the meatloaf was bread crumbs.  And yes, he ate it all.

Did aforementioned picky eater have a bad day at school? You be the judge: his pants completely split up the back when he bent over.  Had he been wearing underwear, it might not have been so bad.

Where do I go every Friday?



and



and my home away from home:

FF: Playing the Numbers

0 = the number of pounds I lost this week

7 17 = the number of frozen York Peppermint Patties I ate (and this does NOT have anything to do with #0)

1 = the number of times I began to mow the lawn just in time for Checkered to come home and take over

2 = the number of doctor visits I did not forget to take my children to

3 = the number of times I watched Precious with students

3 again = the number of times I cried during the movie

37 = the number of times I thought about how critical I've been of teachers who show movies in class

370 = the number of times I reassured myself that my students HAD to see that movie so they could write an argumentative critique

4 = the number of blogs I visited this week :(

5 = the number of Facebook messages I exchanged with the person I was sitting next to at a meeting.

6 = the number of times I was cut-off by a teen-aged driver

6000 = the number of times I remembered that my daughter is old enough to begin driver's training

0 = the number of times I registered her for the afore-mentioned training

8 = the number of early mornings that I asked my children, "HOW many days of school do you have left?"

9 9 kajillion = the number of times I asked Checkered why we didn't get married earlier

10 = the number of times this week I had to get boy children out of bed to brush their teeth

984 = the number of times I seriously regretting vigorously rubbing my spray on tan before it was dry

984 = the number of times I was going to wear shorts until I remembered my leprosy-looking spray on tan legs

500 = the number of dollars one month's supply of medicine will be for my child.  And yes, the doctor is looking into a different course of treatment now.

51,275,398 = the number of times I've suggested that you go here:



and here:


and here: 

FF: School Tales

This week's progress report is brought to you by:

  and  and

Language Arts:

My students did a mostly admirable job on their visual arguments proving something about the economy and Detroit. I did hear the song, "They're Shutting Detroit Down," 12 too many times, but otherwise things were fine. That is if we forget that this is a second semester college-level English course and the following words were used in some presentations: holded, reception (instead of perception), and even gived. Seriously.

Math:

My son, the advanced math student knows better than to ask me for help. That may change now since he read a story problem to his strong math dad and they both puzzled over it while I, the math-impaired mother yelled out the correct answer. I have no idea where the answer came from, but I looked very, very impressive.

Lunch:
Before class, my students were discussing how annoying their friends are.  They asked me if I ever got annoyed with friends, so I shared a recent story with them. They commiserated and then got very serious when one girl said, "Dr. Caution, I wouldn't let her sit at my lunch table anymore if I were you."  As soon as I get a lunch table, I'll give it serious consideration.

Social Studies:
In my second grader's class last week, the teacher held up a map as she discussed map directions.  One of the girls, who wasn't paying one bit of attention, asked, "The Yukon!  What's that?"  Before the teacher could answer, a boy yelled out, "A vehicle, of course!"  He wasn't trying to be humorous.

Recess:
An acquaintance whom I hope will someday be a friend said she would like to start walking with me.  The problem?  She goes to the gym every day before work, so she is in fantabulous shape.  Walking with her might very well kill me. Besides that, I would miss walking with Checkered who buys me something at Starbucks while we walk (think dark cherry mocha!!) and I would miss walking with my friend Jill of the quilted pictures who says one word for every 25 I say, thus allowing me to monopolize the conversation.

Speech:
My phone has a wonderful feature which allows me to speak a Google search topic or speak a text message.  Then the phone transcribes it into a written format.  Unfortunately, it's not very accurate.  Yesterday I tried to tell my son that he is a man of few words, but the message was transcribed, "You love you a lot."

Driver's/Drivers' Ed:
Do you pull into your driveway or back into your driveway?  I try to avoid the reverse gear whenever possible, and that is making it a real challenge to get out of my driveway each morning. I wonder if I could put it in neutral and just roll out?

Show and Tell:
When did your blog friends cross over from living in your computer to living in your daily life and hearts? I realized that had happened to me when I saw this last week and thought of you-know-who.  Sorry, you-know-who. That it was a dumpster had nothing whatsoever to do with you being in my heart and mind.

FF: Nonsense !!

Surprise parties hold no appeal for me, but I will admit that my time in the coveted number 4 spot at Friday Follow was happy, happy for me. I loved finding so many new blogs, (although I really don't understand the "I'll follow you if you follow me first," thought. Follow if you want to; don't if you don't.) Nevertheless, thank-you for that wonderful experience :)




Life has interfered greatly with my blogging time the last few weeks, and I do resent that. Please forgive me for being a bad reciprocal blogger. Reading blogs on my phone is just a bit more effort than I initially thought.

For a decade plus I've lived in this house and never fallen off the step from the kitchen to the family room. Yesterday I fell off it twice. Today I am sore -- but I am going to pretend that it was caused by exercise. Whatever it takes, you know?

My students are creating visual arguments around the theme, "the economy and Detroit." I love how insightful some students are: "The economy is bad, but it has made me a more compassionate person." "The economy stinks, but my family has learned how to live more sensibly." "We are no less resilient now than we were the last time, and the time before that, and the time before that..." Presentations begin on Tuesday and I can't wait :)

My son's 100% cotton shirt needed to be ironed for a school concert, and it took me 15 minutes just to find an iron. Interpret that however you will.

If one inadvertently drops a Certs breath mint into a bottle of Diet Pepsi while drinking, the Pepsi WILL explode -- even if one sticks her tongue into the bottle in a pathetic attempt to contain the eruption.

If you have nothing to do this week-end, head to Boston where you can be part of the new world record attempt for most people throwing rubber chickens at the same time. I know. I know.

Did you hear about that 37 foot whale that just beached itself and died in Washington? It had a great deal of trash in its stomach: sweatpants, surgical gloves, several towels and bags, and a golf ball. I wonder what scientists would find in my stomach? One thousand calories worth of 100 calorie snacks and that's just the beginning. What's in your stomach??

Now, head over to Friday Fragments where Mrs. 4444 patiently awaits other ADHD-laden posts just like this one.

When you're done there, go to New Friend Friday. It will be worth the journey - I promise.

IT"S FF, FF, and NFF!! Clear???

It's been a sad week in our neighborhood as a young boy was in a tragic accident. I've been sickened by the finger-pointing and second-guessing some in our community have done. Why do some people need to rationalize a death by trying to place blame on innocent parties? Along with prayers for the family, my prayers now include Hallie and her family in their inconceivable loss.
~~~~~~~~

So is there anything good to report this week that won't trivialize the pain others are faced with this week?

We have flowers in Michigan!! Not in my yard, but that's where living next door to a gardener is an advantage.

The copy cat recipe I followed for Olive Garden's Minestrone soup did not produce anything resembling in taste, texture, or appearance the soup served at the restaurant.

Have you ever used Vicks on your feet at night to relieve congestion? My son's snoring was loud enough to awaken half the household the other night and I wonder if the Vicks would help.

Thanks to the work of Facebook I feel quite caught up with many high school friends and now am debating if I really should even go to my reunion this summer. It's as though I've learned just about everything I might have wanted to know about my former classmates.

A few days ago I received a most unexpected compliment from a most unexpected source. It felt great. It still feels great - so much so that I am going to make a true effort to do that for other people more often.

Our favorite local ice cream place is open and we're headed there this week-end. I very maturely suggested to Mr. Weight Watchers that we share some ice cream since he is ever so fanatical about maintaining his weight loss. "Heck, no!" he said. "I'm getting my own!" That's a grand decision.

I don't care what they say about Prell shampoo stripping hair of color/nutrients/moisture/its emotions/it bank account/and credit history. I still love it. (Do you remember that little squeeze bottle? I do!)

There is a small oven burn on my arm. It is healing now but has an interesting and exceptionally pink color to it. There is a student in my class who has two phobias: blood and public speaking. This week she had to give a presentation during class, and don't you know it? She looked at my healing burn while she was talking. Yup. You're right. She got sick to her stomach and had to leave class.

This post has been brought to you by my number one confessor: Friday Fragments


and my number one ego booster: Friday Follow.

and my number one extracurricular interest: New Friend Friday.

FF: Nothing but the truth

Friday!! The last day of my kids' spring break. There is good news though. It's Friday Fragment day

and

Friday Follow day

and

New Friend Friday!!!!

Besides that, it's pizza night. Can life get any better?

In disturbing news, my young son saw "whiskers" in a woman's armpit, and it really upset him. I bet it upset her, too.

Disturbing news continues: When I picked our dog up from the kennel after a long week-end apart, she pretty much ignored me. She did, however, kiss the receptionist and knock her on her bottom. Since I was the one paying the bill, I was not delighted.

Unsettling news takes over: While I was in the hardware store, I bought some suet cakes for the birds and found one claiming to attract teen-agers. I wondered what kind of bird would attract teens and I actually bought it. After I got home, I realized it said Tanagers - which is apparently not a human, but a bird.

I might have missed Facebook afterall.

Unbelievably, I have grown 1.25 inches since I got married, and I most assuredly did not marry as a young woman.

And now a little love: When some of you got Blackberries, I didn't get the love you felt. Then some of you got IPhones, and the affection was still lost on me. My wonderful Checkered bought me an Android for my birthday, and now I get it. I am so in love!!

Have you seen the removable lettering scripture verses at Hobby Lobby? They are wonderful! Here are some from my parents' church. p>
I have two to put up in my house. Now the question is where???

And the final love: My sweet youngest child carefully planned and carried out an April Fool's Day joke. He removed the batteries from the t.v. remote control and hid them. He couldn't wait for everyone (especially Daddy) to get frustrated and start hitting the remote trying to get it to work. Unfortunately, he took the batteries out of the wrong remote and no one even noticed. After a frustrating day of no one noticing his trick, I caught on and beat the daylights out of the empty remote. He was thrilled at his grand success and is already planning next year's joke. I love being a mom!