FF: Things I've Learned to Accept

~That when a 17 year old boy tells our daughter that Checkered and I are "effin' cool" I should regard it as a compliment.

~That I should have bought an oil company twenty years ago.

~That some moms can put on a garbage bag, hiking boots, and a trench coat and look sexy.

~That I can't.

~That I could  happily outfit myself from the Tractor Supply store.

~Do you see now how big the un-sexiness problem really is???

~That my kids prefer restaurant chili to mine.

~That my kids prefer ANY restaurant food to mine.

~That my children will always shock me with their comments.  My youngest son recently came to me with a tampon and said he couldn't decide if it was a pen or part of a Lego-type-thingie.  Then, the next day, my middle son said, "I pray you never have to see Daddy naked."

What else have I learned to accept?

~That my dog will always prefer eating a piece of coal to dog food.

~That I am an expert at interpreting teen girl speak.

The daughter speaks:

  "I want you to come with me to the choir banquet, Mom.  You can sit with Jen's mom.  The dancing begins at 8."

The interpretation:

"Other parents are going to be there and I don't want to be the only one without a parent in case I need money for something.  Jen and I have thoughtfully found seats for you and her mom so that Jen and I don't have to interact too much with you all.  Please go home at 7:55 before the dancing begins.  You are free to pick me up at 10 when the fun is over."

Now go visit Mrs. 4444:

and the girl:

FF: Questions

What did I receive after shipping off my half of a garden swap?  Nothing...yet...

Did I love winning the blog giveaway for coupons for free yogurt?  Well, yes.  And when I realized I had won more than coupons, well, life was grand!  I do wish I could remember which blogger hosted the giveaway.

Do I say /koo-pons/ or /kyoo-pons/?  It would be the latter.

Did I survive my first 24 hours of driving the truck around town?  Yes, with the exception of one narrow experience in the Tim Hortons drive-thru.  I will NOT reveal which of us was maybe too wide.

Did my son turn in his school pictures without ever showing them to me? Yes.

Do you suppose it's ironic that the Ti plants my mom and I have which are purported to bring good luck have never sprouted?

Did I fool anyone this week?  Yes.  Pickiest eater in the world was easily convinced that the pineapple in the meatloaf was bread crumbs.  And yes, he ate it all.

Did aforementioned picky eater have a bad day at school? You be the judge: his pants completely split up the back when he bent over.  Had he been wearing underwear, it might not have been so bad.

Where do I go every Friday?



and



and my home away from home:

FF: Playing the Numbers

0 = the number of pounds I lost this week

7 17 = the number of frozen York Peppermint Patties I ate (and this does NOT have anything to do with #0)

1 = the number of times I began to mow the lawn just in time for Checkered to come home and take over

2 = the number of doctor visits I did not forget to take my children to

3 = the number of times I watched Precious with students

3 again = the number of times I cried during the movie

37 = the number of times I thought about how critical I've been of teachers who show movies in class

370 = the number of times I reassured myself that my students HAD to see that movie so they could write an argumentative critique

4 = the number of blogs I visited this week :(

5 = the number of Facebook messages I exchanged with the person I was sitting next to at a meeting.

6 = the number of times I was cut-off by a teen-aged driver

6000 = the number of times I remembered that my daughter is old enough to begin driver's training

0 = the number of times I registered her for the afore-mentioned training

8 = the number of early mornings that I asked my children, "HOW many days of school do you have left?"

9 9 kajillion = the number of times I asked Checkered why we didn't get married earlier

10 = the number of times this week I had to get boy children out of bed to brush their teeth

984 = the number of times I seriously regretting vigorously rubbing my spray on tan before it was dry

984 = the number of times I was going to wear shorts until I remembered my leprosy-looking spray on tan legs

500 = the number of dollars one month's supply of medicine will be for my child.  And yes, the doctor is looking into a different course of treatment now.

51,275,398 = the number of times I've suggested that you go here:



and here:


and here: 

FF: School Tales

This week's progress report is brought to you by:

  and  and

Language Arts:

My students did a mostly admirable job on their visual arguments proving something about the economy and Detroit. I did hear the song, "They're Shutting Detroit Down," 12 too many times, but otherwise things were fine. That is if we forget that this is a second semester college-level English course and the following words were used in some presentations: holded, reception (instead of perception), and even gived. Seriously.

Math:

My son, the advanced math student knows better than to ask me for help. That may change now since he read a story problem to his strong math dad and they both puzzled over it while I, the math-impaired mother yelled out the correct answer. I have no idea where the answer came from, but I looked very, very impressive.

Lunch:
Before class, my students were discussing how annoying their friends are.  They asked me if I ever got annoyed with friends, so I shared a recent story with them. They commiserated and then got very serious when one girl said, "Dr. Caution, I wouldn't let her sit at my lunch table anymore if I were you."  As soon as I get a lunch table, I'll give it serious consideration.

Social Studies:
In my second grader's class last week, the teacher held up a map as she discussed map directions.  One of the girls, who wasn't paying one bit of attention, asked, "The Yukon!  What's that?"  Before the teacher could answer, a boy yelled out, "A vehicle, of course!"  He wasn't trying to be humorous.

Recess:
An acquaintance whom I hope will someday be a friend said she would like to start walking with me.  The problem?  She goes to the gym every day before work, so she is in fantabulous shape.  Walking with her might very well kill me. Besides that, I would miss walking with Checkered who buys me something at Starbucks while we walk (think dark cherry mocha!!) and I would miss walking with my friend Jill of the quilted pictures who says one word for every 25 I say, thus allowing me to monopolize the conversation.

Speech:
My phone has a wonderful feature which allows me to speak a Google search topic or speak a text message.  Then the phone transcribes it into a written format.  Unfortunately, it's not very accurate.  Yesterday I tried to tell my son that he is a man of few words, but the message was transcribed, "You love you a lot."

Driver's/Drivers' Ed:
Do you pull into your driveway or back into your driveway?  I try to avoid the reverse gear whenever possible, and that is making it a real challenge to get out of my driveway each morning. I wonder if I could put it in neutral and just roll out?

Show and Tell:
When did your blog friends cross over from living in your computer to living in your daily life and hearts? I realized that had happened to me when I saw this last week and thought of you-know-who.  Sorry, you-know-who. That it was a dumpster had nothing whatsoever to do with you being in my heart and mind.

FF: Nonsense !!

Surprise parties hold no appeal for me, but I will admit that my time in the coveted number 4 spot at Friday Follow was happy, happy for me. I loved finding so many new blogs, (although I really don't understand the "I'll follow you if you follow me first," thought. Follow if you want to; don't if you don't.) Nevertheless, thank-you for that wonderful experience :)




Life has interfered greatly with my blogging time the last few weeks, and I do resent that. Please forgive me for being a bad reciprocal blogger. Reading blogs on my phone is just a bit more effort than I initially thought.

For a decade plus I've lived in this house and never fallen off the step from the kitchen to the family room. Yesterday I fell off it twice. Today I am sore -- but I am going to pretend that it was caused by exercise. Whatever it takes, you know?

My students are creating visual arguments around the theme, "the economy and Detroit." I love how insightful some students are: "The economy is bad, but it has made me a more compassionate person." "The economy stinks, but my family has learned how to live more sensibly." "We are no less resilient now than we were the last time, and the time before that, and the time before that..." Presentations begin on Tuesday and I can't wait :)

My son's 100% cotton shirt needed to be ironed for a school concert, and it took me 15 minutes just to find an iron. Interpret that however you will.

If one inadvertently drops a Certs breath mint into a bottle of Diet Pepsi while drinking, the Pepsi WILL explode -- even if one sticks her tongue into the bottle in a pathetic attempt to contain the eruption.

If you have nothing to do this week-end, head to Boston where you can be part of the new world record attempt for most people throwing rubber chickens at the same time. I know. I know.

Did you hear about that 37 foot whale that just beached itself and died in Washington? It had a great deal of trash in its stomach: sweatpants, surgical gloves, several towels and bags, and a golf ball. I wonder what scientists would find in my stomach? One thousand calories worth of 100 calorie snacks and that's just the beginning. What's in your stomach??

Now, head over to Friday Fragments where Mrs. 4444 patiently awaits other ADHD-laden posts just like this one.

When you're done there, go to New Friend Friday. It will be worth the journey - I promise.

IT"S FF, FF, and NFF!! Clear???

It's been a sad week in our neighborhood as a young boy was in a tragic accident. I've been sickened by the finger-pointing and second-guessing some in our community have done. Why do some people need to rationalize a death by trying to place blame on innocent parties? Along with prayers for the family, my prayers now include Hallie and her family in their inconceivable loss.
~~~~~~~~

So is there anything good to report this week that won't trivialize the pain others are faced with this week?

We have flowers in Michigan!! Not in my yard, but that's where living next door to a gardener is an advantage.

The copy cat recipe I followed for Olive Garden's Minestrone soup did not produce anything resembling in taste, texture, or appearance the soup served at the restaurant.

Have you ever used Vicks on your feet at night to relieve congestion? My son's snoring was loud enough to awaken half the household the other night and I wonder if the Vicks would help.

Thanks to the work of Facebook I feel quite caught up with many high school friends and now am debating if I really should even go to my reunion this summer. It's as though I've learned just about everything I might have wanted to know about my former classmates.

A few days ago I received a most unexpected compliment from a most unexpected source. It felt great. It still feels great - so much so that I am going to make a true effort to do that for other people more often.

Our favorite local ice cream place is open and we're headed there this week-end. I very maturely suggested to Mr. Weight Watchers that we share some ice cream since he is ever so fanatical about maintaining his weight loss. "Heck, no!" he said. "I'm getting my own!" That's a grand decision.

I don't care what they say about Prell shampoo stripping hair of color/nutrients/moisture/its emotions/it bank account/and credit history. I still love it. (Do you remember that little squeeze bottle? I do!)

There is a small oven burn on my arm. It is healing now but has an interesting and exceptionally pink color to it. There is a student in my class who has two phobias: blood and public speaking. This week she had to give a presentation during class, and don't you know it? She looked at my healing burn while she was talking. Yup. You're right. She got sick to her stomach and had to leave class.

This post has been brought to you by my number one confessor: Friday Fragments


and my number one ego booster: Friday Follow.

and my number one extracurricular interest: New Friend Friday.

FF: Nothing but the truth

Friday!! The last day of my kids' spring break. There is good news though. It's Friday Fragment day

and

Friday Follow day

and

New Friend Friday!!!!

Besides that, it's pizza night. Can life get any better?

In disturbing news, my young son saw "whiskers" in a woman's armpit, and it really upset him. I bet it upset her, too.

Disturbing news continues: When I picked our dog up from the kennel after a long week-end apart, she pretty much ignored me. She did, however, kiss the receptionist and knock her on her bottom. Since I was the one paying the bill, I was not delighted.

Unsettling news takes over: While I was in the hardware store, I bought some suet cakes for the birds and found one claiming to attract teen-agers. I wondered what kind of bird would attract teens and I actually bought it. After I got home, I realized it said Tanagers - which is apparently not a human, but a bird.

I might have missed Facebook afterall.

Unbelievably, I have grown 1.25 inches since I got married, and I most assuredly did not marry as a young woman.

And now a little love: When some of you got Blackberries, I didn't get the love you felt. Then some of you got IPhones, and the affection was still lost on me. My wonderful Checkered bought me an Android for my birthday, and now I get it. I am so in love!!

Have you seen the removable lettering scripture verses at Hobby Lobby? They are wonderful! Here are some from my parents' church. p>
I have two to put up in my house. Now the question is where???

And the final love: My sweet youngest child carefully planned and carried out an April Fool's Day joke. He removed the batteries from the t.v. remote control and hid them. He couldn't wait for everyone (especially Daddy) to get frustrated and start hitting the remote trying to get it to work. Unfortunately, he took the batteries out of the wrong remote and no one even noticed. After a frustrating day of no one noticing his trick, I caught on and beat the daylights out of the empty remote. He was thrilled at his grand success and is already planning next year's joke. I love being a mom!