Happy Halloween

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Maybe You Should Cook

I double-dipped on Saturday night. We were a family cleanly divided between Halloween parties. Yes, I do know that I should have said we were divided among parties since there were actually three parties that night, but do you really care?? Checkered was going to a party given by the absolute master of party planning, the Majestic Domestic. That, in itself put some pressure on me because she is a quick wit and does not suffer fools gladly. Then, I was told to bring some food. So I thought and thought for three weeks about what I should bring. But by the day of the party, I still didn't have any good ideas because I knew what the Majestic Domestic would serve would be beautiful, perfect, and popular. Anything I could send wouldn't work. Period.

So shortly before that party began, I went to allrecipes.com and used their ingredient search. My first result told me that I shouldn't bother them anymore until I went grocery shopping. Then I looked around again and realized I did have cherry pie filling, crushed pineapple, and yellow cake mix in the house. That, in itself, is a veritable dump cake bonanza.

Ninety minutes later, my 30 minute cake was rock hard to the touch and slightly soggy in the middle. Checkered and the two oldest kids were already late for their party, but I couldn't send a failed recipe to the Majestic Domestic's party. The younger two kids and I were late for our other party, so there was no time to make anything else. This faux cake was actually a cobbler in a bundt cake. There was no way it could be inverted onto a serving platter. How would I know if it was done?

Thinking quickly, I dipped a spoon into the mess and sampled. It was okay! It would attend the party after all. Then I remembered that I had forgotten to really TASTE the cake, so I dipped the spoon in again. And that is when Checkered came to life with his accurate indictment of the double-dip -- and for a public gathering, no less!!

I acted embarrassed.  How silly of me to double-dip!  But all the while I was thinking, "Checkered, if you only knew ... "

Crumbs

To my children:

Have you every heard of Barbara Mandrell? She used to be a well-known singer when I was a teen. She had money, she had fame, she had talent, she had beauty, and she even had a television show of her own. She had a great life. But then she made one big mistake.

Take a listen to this song:


Do you understand what she said? She said people could eat crackers in her bed!

I was thinking about that last night when Daddy and I went to bed only to discover that one of you ate Wheat Thins while in our bed. You had successfully hidden the box, but the evidence was there. Had we been clear-headed, we would have changed the sheets, but we weren't. So we just brushed the million gazillion crumbs aside and slept.

Now, back to that lady. Remember she was a star? She was on t.v.? She was glamorous and famous? Do you know where she is now?

She sings in Branson, Missouri. It was one short leap from eating in bed to Branson.

We hope you've learned a valuable lesson today.

Love,
Your crumby parents

Solving the Big Problems

Getting Intimate:How To Avoid Trapped Arm Whilst Cuddling In Bed

Maybe We Should Get Out the Fire Extinguisher for Those Candles

Happy birthday, my darling Checkered!!! And happy birthday to my old, younger sister, Red!!! (Please note the equal amount of exclamation points which are indicative of my unbending fairness.)

May your day be filled with laughter, chocolate cake, and maybe a bill or two paid off.

To Red:  perhaps it is the math major in you,  but could you possibly explain how your birth year remains constant, but your age grows progressively younger?

To Checkered:    I must warn you:  If Red shares her secret, you will pass right by my age within the next year or so.  And what our son said about your gray hair frightening him?  What does he know about sexy?

Bad Memories Motivate

This is our new chin-up bar. Its arrival in our home is due to our daughter's recent completion of the Presidential Physical Fitness test. She did well despite having avoided most any type of physical exercise for the last decade or so.

It was also prompted by a conversation Checkered had recently with his friend. They were commiserating about their junior high and high school years when they couldn't do chin-ups in gym class, when they weren't nominated for any homecoming courts, and where maybe life wasn't so happy. But those guys grew up to be smart guys, and great husbands and dads. And Checkered grew up to be very sexy. But they never forgot those no-chin-up days. Nor did they forget the less-than sympathetic gym teachers.

So we have a new chin-up bar.

I watched in amazement as my oldest three kids did a chin-up or two or three. I watched as Checkered did lots of chin-ups and pull-ups, and my mouth fell open when my youngest guy did chin-up after chin-up after chin-up after chin-up...

Then it was my turn.

I got my hand grip just right. I got Checkered to promise that the door frame wouldn't break. I pumped up my courage and pulled.

My Christmas gift to myself is going to be one chin-up by the 25th . Just one.

I hope I make it.

My Futile Facebook Journey

My SIL should get some sort of commission from Facebook. She loves it and thinks I should love it, too. She talks of being able to follow her college-daughter's life via Facebook. She talks of reconnecting with her college friends. She talks of finding friends from waaaay back. She talks of the ease of chatting with all these people without having to call or text.

So I sign up. How cool to see my nieces' and nephew's pages . How cool to "spy" on them.

Then I try to connect with high school friends and I find only one, and I don't really want to reconnect with him.

Then I try to connect with college friends only to find that none of them have listed themselves under their maiden names. Hellooo! People I want to find?? I lost contact with you by the time you got married. Please remember that you had a life prior to marriage, and a name, too. I can't find you if I don't know your name.

And then there's the little issue of my mis-speaking the name of Facebook.  So what if it came out, "My Face"?  Unfortunately, my audience for the mis-speak consisted of Checkered and my teen-ager.


*sigh*