An Image I Need to Uphold

I'm a spinner. Nervous habit, my spinning is. But my spinning has nothing to do with bikes or wool. My spinning involves wedding rings going around and around and around, and sometimes they come off and go back on, ad nauseum. It feels very good to constantly fidget with those rings. Sometimes while I teach, the rings get inadvertently dropped while I'm spinning them and they roll quickly under desks, and through the maze of backpacks and shoes and purses. The class stops. All eyes are on the rolling rings. It happens at least once per class every semester. When the rings get to a stop, two or three students go chasing them, no doubt in order to maintain favor with me. I accept my rings back demurely and we proceed. (Of course, there was one time last fall when the student brought my rings back to me and ON BENT KNEE presented them to me.)

For Easter this year, the Easter Bunny brought my daughter a spinner ring.

(http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.anxietyspinnerrings.com/)

Too bad!! She hated it.

Too bad!! It didn't fit her.

Good luck!! I loved it.

Better luck!! It fit me.

So now I don't have to take the ring off to spin it.

Truth? I'm going to miss those students scrambling for my rolling rings.

Yikes

"Chrysler could file bankruptcy next week

By Micheline Maynard and Michael J. de la Merced

The New York Times
updated 7:06 p.m. ET, Thurs., April 23, 2009


DETROIT - The Treasury Department is preparing a Chapter 11 bankruptcy filing for Chrysler that could come as soon as next week, people with direct knowledge of the action said Thursday..."

Now, if you all will excuse me, I will be safely in bed until further notice.

97%

Thanks to my sister and her support, I passed my test!!!   On behalf of my own students, I promise, promise, promise to never forget the frustration and discouragement I felt working through this certification process.

Now, bring on that second job :)

A 12-Step Program to Losing Your Self-Confidence

1. Have a lovely phone interview with another college to teach part-time in their online program.
2. End the interview with the "understanding" that you will be hired provided you pass their training course.
3. Attempt to log-in for several days with your newly-assigned employee password.  Note the "Access denied" message each time.
4. With your newly-fixed password, take the pre-assessment.  If you score a 92% or higher, you will not have to take the course.
5. Score a 72%.
6. Note that the post-assessment will be twice as long as the pre-assessment you just scored 72% on.
7. Reread the directions and confirm that you have only two opportunities to pass the post-assessment.  After that, you're not going to teach at this school.
8. Participate in the first component of the course.  With some panic, take the 5-item self-check at the end of the component.  Be able to answer only one item before panic swallows you whole. 
9. After eating the leftover turkey and a fudge pop, reread the first component.  Take the same 5-item self-check and correctly answer two items.
10. Resort to googling the self-check items.
11. Pass the first component, and feel okay until the first video of the second component assures you that this course is not taught in any language you know.
12. Cry when you realize that there are 9 components left to pass before you can take that ever-so-important post-assessment. Yes, the one you have only two chances to pass.

My Semester

Here are two of the essays I've graded this term:

I'm open to some pity from you all at this point.

Goof is my Middle Name

When I first began teaching, my teacher mom gave me advice I still use. She suggested that the first few weeks of class, I should walk into class swiftly and speak with authority. I did just that last night since this is the first week of our new semester. I was polite yet very much the authority. I smiled only slightly and immediately announced that we needed to get to work. The students were absolutely silent and some looked absolutely stricken with panic.

Then I reached to get my materials out of my backpack. What a major goof I was about to discover. The backpack I had carried to work and into my class wasn't mine. It belonged to my 6 year old.

I rooted around in the backpack hoping for something to use. I found:

• gloves:

• pencils and eraser:

Worksheets should I need to fill class time:

And some 1st grade literature:

Suffice it to say, the semester started with a pretty good laugh between professor and students.

Do Not Go With the Gut Response

Truly, I have made it a goal of my adult years to avoid criticizing someone else's food choices (with the possible exception of Checkered's peanut butter devotion - but I think that's allowed.)  Seriously enough, if someone tells me they don't eat meat, I'm sad for them, but I don't screw up my face and look like I have the worst gas pains ever.  I don't.  If my friends imbibe too much and say things they might well regret later, they won't remember, but I will because we don't imbibe at all.  I also never say a word about our differences  regarding alcohol consumption.  Why?  Because I hope I am closing in on maturity.

That all brings me to last night.  As I walked into work, I was greeted by a full-time faculty member who offered me a donut.  She was really delighted and impressed with her own thoughtfulness toward those of us who labor in a dank, rat-infested dungeon while we are constantly bludgeoned with clubs as adjuncts.

Nevertheless, I declined her lovely and gracious offer by replying that as the sole daytime guardian of my children's halloween candy, I was failing.  It's just the siren voice of that chocolate, that caramel, that high sugar content which calls my name more beautifully than any human can.

The full-timer said, "What?"

 "No thanks."

My response triggered something within her which caused her to pull her chin up just under her eyebrows.  Her top lip disappeared somewhere inside her nostrils.  And those eyebrows were knit together with pure perfection.

"Candy?! Don't you know how bad that is for you?  How old are you anyway?"  And she marched off toward her office.

It took me several hours to recognize the irony of her reaction to my refusal of her donuts in favor of candy.

And in there somewhere is probably the solution to the mystery of why I have never been invited to join their full-time faculty.

Do you suppose it's too late to ask for that donut?

The value of email

I read my work email last week after an email absence of some time. In the email were:

• the typical entreaties from students asking for a private lecture time because they had things to do and couldn't "cum to class" - seriously.
• Invitations to "gentle people" to watch the movies a campus pastor was showing. They all sounded terribly entertaining and tempting. "Election Day" - Filmed in 14 different locations, this movie chronicles the ordinary citizen determined to vote, to turn out the vote, and to see that voting is legally and fairly done in the 2004 elections. "On the Line" - An inside look at the people behind one of the largest non-violent movements in America today.
• A wordy update from our union VP using just over 100 words to remind us that we still have no contract, but the negotiation team will meet later this month. No mention of what the problem is.
• And a reprimand sent from IT that "2 of you" fell for a scam and sent your personal log-in to Nigeria thus allowing criminals to shut down our mail system. And if "any other people did that, you need to call us right away."

I shall take a moment here to clear my name. It wasn't me!! I couldn't have sent my log-in info to anyone because I haven't been able to remember my password for a while now. The computer automatically enters it for me. I am the ideal employee.

Tell Me WHY

• Why, when the Internet service goes out at my college, do they send out emails telling us the server is down?
• Why, when the login requirements change for our work email and we are locked out of the email system, does the college send us an EMAIL telling us how to get into the email?
• Why does my employer put up big posters all over the campus telling students how much money stolen books can bring the thief?
• Why do the cleaning crews continue to add left-behind student belongings to the pile in one of my classrooms? The pile has been growing for two years now and covers one table and two desks.
• Why, when the syllabus clearly states, "No essay submissions via email," do students send their essays via email (but always with the note, "I know you said not to do this, but ...)
• Why is there a sign in our building which reads, "If you can't read, come see us."
• Why do I get so highly annoyed when a student tells me, "My high school English teacher doesn't understand this assignment!"
• Why do I actually laugh when a student turns in an essay which is clearly plagiarized from a magazine, and the student tells me he isn't responsible for plagiarism because he hired someone else to write the essay for him?

Summer Decisions

One of the many reasons I don't think I want the job for which I've interviewed is that it would require me to work far more hours during summer than I usually do.  The more I think about it, the more I want to be home when my kids are working through big questions.  Questions like:

Let's see.  I just used my halloween costume to scare my mom.  Should I try to scare her again in 5 minutes or should I wait 10?

And should I get dressed before I read or after?

Flipflops or bare feet?

Dunk my sister or ... hey, that's not a question.  That's a given!

No, I really, really don't want to miss these big questions and decisions next summer:(

The Interview

A few days ago, my phone rang.  On the other end was someone who wanted to interview me for a job for which I had applied.  She wanted to interview me right then and there over the phone.  Easy enough. 

A few days later, I received a second call.  I had made it to the second round of interviews.  Would I come in a for a group interview?  Not so easy, but sure.

On Friday, I arrived at my appointed interview time only to see the unexpected.  I expected to find what I've found at other job interviews.  I expected a committee of dour-faced academic-types to be waiting to make my next hour miserable.  I expected that each committee member would ask me a question and then look as though he/she was experiencing tremendous gas pains as I answered.

No so at this latest interview. 

Their definition of group interview was to interview all six job candidates at once.  Together.  In the same room.   We all looked each other over.  Exchanged astonished grimaces. And awaited our group interview.

The rules of engagement were this:

On the table before each of us, was a paper with 5 questions.  One of the two interviewers read the first question, the second interviewer started her stopwatch, and we - as a group - had 10 minutes to answer the question orally.

You read that right.  Six people, each one hoping to impress, had to group answer very complex questions in 10 minutes.

The first question was read.  We were given a minute to think, and then an interviewer said, "START!"

Everyone sat there in silence looking confusing, dumbfounded, and highly annoyed, so I started to talk.  Yeah for me!!

By the second question, our 10 minutes ran out before one man even had a chance to attempt to join the conversation.  One interviewer did have enough grace to allow him to speak anyway.

It was a crazy interview.

And I liked it very much.  I liked how nervous others were.  I liked being able to piggyback on comments the others made.  I liked how we all took cues from each other such as refering to the other interviewees by name and trying to mention our work experience while not chewing up too much of the group time. 

But that part of timing the answers and calling, "Time!"?  Please.

When I am in charge of the world, that's one of the first things I'm going to fix!

Today's Agenda

10:59  Completely forget to memorize today's scripture verse.

11:00  Job interview.
This is my second interview.


Don't know how I feel about the college or the job.


Very conflicted, but looking forward to learning through this experience :)

12:00 Exhale and begin breathing again.

12:05 Think no one would ever want to hire me.

12:07 Think I am a fantastic job candidate .

12:10 Panic when I think that they won't offer the job to me.

12:11 Panic when I think that they will.