FF: Planning for the Future

~Did you know that I just figured out how to follow a non-Blogger blog? Oh yes I'm quick.

~Do NOT buy the Great Value brand Cranberry Apple drink mix. Just don't do it.

~My Lenten-induced Facebook abstinence is going remarkably slowly. Giving up television would have been so much easier. Shoot, giving up eating would have been easier.

~I continue to read posts where bloggers mention the unexpected joys of forming real friendships via blogging. Truer words have not been spoken.

~That's why I'm making a real effort now to be a more faithful blogger.

~And then someday I'm going to travel all around and meet you IRL.

~I've already publicly threatened to visit Mrs. 4444, our favorite Friday Fragment hostess.

~A bathroom-less pop-up camper is now living in my garage and I am accepting all camping excuses suggestions. Thanks in advance for your help.

~Don't worry, when I come to visit you, I won't put the camper in your FRONT yard, but that no bathroom thing could be a bit of a problem during our visit.

~Last night I reannounced to my family that when I have my next birthday in 102 months, I would like re-gifts. My husband and children are to take something they already own and regift it to me. I suppose it would have been nobler to say, "no gifts," but this IS me talking after all. I realized I may have to do some major rethinking of the regifting when my daughter enthusiastically mentioned a purse she owns and how she hopes I won't be bothered by all the nail polish she's spilled on it.

But My Bed is Already Too Hot!

The Detroit Free Press recently gave this advice:



I'm just not sure how Checkered will react to this.

Ode to the Death of Logic

On Sunday night my daughter went bowling. When her father and I picked her up afterward, she casually mentioned that she was wearing one shoe that wasn't hers. When she turned in her bowling shoes, the clerk couldn't find my daughter's shoe and said there was no other option than for my daughter to take some other person's shoe home.

Oh, no. No. NO!

Her determined father marched back inside and worked a much better deal. The deadline is tonight at 5:30. Find her shoe or write a check. (Honestly? If that shoe was worn home by someone else, I'm done with it anyway. You should have seen the condition of the one left at the bowling center).

I just can't figure out what confounds me more:

The bowling center's admission that they lose shoes all the time or my daughter's willingness to wear mismatched shoes home.

For Once in his Life...

He didn't win. He didn't even place. And he's not overly fond of his participation medal.

And I am surely not going to show this quote to him:

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.

~Demetri Martin

FF: Fragments and Nothing But

Thanks, once again, to our hostess, Mrs. 4444, who never insists on being the center of attention although she so deserves to be there :)



~My 8 am class always starts with the same student sneezing 4 or 5 times. The first couple of sneezes generate a chorus of "Bless you!" but the last couple of sneezes get one or two straggling blessings. It's so obvious that the blesser just really feels obligated by that point.

~I still can't decide what to give up for Lent. I seriously thought about Facebook since it does take time away from what I SHOULD be doing. Did you give up anything?

~Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief is a very good movie. Pretty, interesting, fun. My son liked it. I liked it. How often does that happen?

~I've become a mall walker. Interpret that how you will.

~For all the safety precautions schools have taken to protect students, things like harassment are very difficult to prove and many times the school's intervention can do more to hurt the victims than to help. There really has to be a better way.

~I keep waking up in the morning with tiny scratches on my face and I fear I've contracted violent sleepitis. It's going to be such a bother if I have to sew those little baby mittens on all my pajamas.

~After five years, my boss recognizes me now when he sees me!!!! At some point soon I'm sure he will call me by the right name, too.

~My youngest child wore 9 shirts to bed the other night because he liked the way the multiple shirts made him look muscular. He ended up liking the comfort of the shirts so much that for the last two days he has been wearing 16 shirts. That he can move and hasn't lost circulation is amazing.

~A little poll: how many times would you allow me someone to mistype their password before you locked me them out of the work computer system for a day? Then again, I don't know anyone would make that many typos. Do you?

The Price I Pay

I have short hair. Very short. My coiffure demands tremendous attention: body-building shampoo, no conditioner, no product. It probably doesn't need a hair dryer, but the rest of me does after a shower.

The drying part is equally as elaborate. I hold my head upside down and hop from one foot to the other for five minutes or until my hair is kinda/sorta dry or I have a heart attack.

Last Friday, just before a committee meeting at work, my hair dryer started to glow and then it imploded necessitating a quick trip to Walmart.

My new hair dryer cost $13 and has many upscale features. I can dry my hair with cool or warm or hot air. I can also call upon a snowflake setting to hold my hair, if so desired.

The air flow can be low or high and that choice determines what sport I pretend to play while my hair is drying. The low setting dictates that I act as though I'm a cross country skier. The high setting (and the hopping from foot to foot) are more attuned to mogul skiing.

There is even a top secret setting which purports to make my short hair softer and glossier.



But what I can't find no matter how hard I look is the setting which would cover my gray.

That was probably on the $18 dryer. Shoot.

He Said; She said

When the gas guage looks like this, both Checkered and I are happy.

But when it gets to half-full, I start to think about nearby gas stations.

When it gets to half-full in Checkered's car, he doesn't even notice.

When it gets to under a quarter of a tank and the light comes on, I panic.

When it gets to under a quarter of a tank and the light comes on for Checkered, he thinks, "I can go several more miles."

When the "lo fuel!" sign comes on, I lose the ability to think reasonably.

When the "lo fuel!" sign comes on for Checkered, he thinks maybe he should stop at the gas station...sometime.

In fairness to Checkered, he has never run out of gas in the years I've known him.

Then again, neither have I.

FF: Caution Gets Closer to the Brink

Emptying my think tank - fragmented thought by fragmented thought.


~Why, when she bumped my car this week, did the other school mother get annoyed that I pulled over to check for damage? "It's just a bump!" she repeatedly yelled from inside her car. It was a bump for my car, but a dent for hers. I considered yelling, "It's just a dent for yours!"

~Do you remember how I had a dream on Tuesday morning about my friend being able to read my thoughts? When I saw her after the dream, I purposely tried to make my mind blank. One can never be sure...

~I have come to believe that thinking is highly over-rated.

~My student always reads a novel throughout the class. When I asked her to put the novel away, she told me that it's what she always does EVERY TIME SHE TAKES THIS CLASS. I wasn't brave enough to ask how many times she's attempted the class

~Is there anything more delicious than a snow day?

~Birthday sleepover party here tonight! It's my 8 year old's first sleepover and he is beside himself with joy.

~Contrary to what I may have thought, mild and fiery hot are not synonyms.

~I still can't figure out why I absolutely love the movie, "O Brother, Where Art Thou."

~New experiment for next week: I will speak only in dog language to my children. A sniff here, a little lick there.

Now accepting wagers for how long it will take them to notice.

Wherein Caution Should Have Called in Sick

At 12:40 a.m. Tuesday morning, I awoke with a searing pain in my neck.

By 1:06 a.m. I was certain I would die before morning and began to wonder how I would be eulogized.

At 1:18 a.m. I decided that if I died, Checkered would probably paint the bathroom a color I didn't like, so I decided to stay alive.

At 3:00 a.m. I illogically convinced myself that the burning in my neck had something to do with the people I had talked to during my son's karate class the previous night.

3:01 brought resolve to never speak to them again.

When 4:50 a.m. showed up on the clock, my body decided it would be best to fall into a very deep sleep for the next 30 minutes.

When 5:20 am woke me up I was troubled by the dream I had just experienced where, unbeknownst to me, my friend could read my thoughts and that somehow caused me to become a cowboy.

6:33 triggered a reminder from me to my daughter that the bus would be at the bus stop by 6:37.

6:33-6:35 were spent listening to my daughter clearly explain that she was well aware of the time and that my reminders were not helping her nor had they helped her for the past decade and a half of school nor were they likely to help at any point in the future.

At 7:20, I quietly and in a pure lady-like manner urged my sons to get out of the house and into the car right this very minute so that I would not be late for work.

At 7:25, my son discovered that an entire generation of ants had built a housing development, downtown area, and shopping district complete with restaurants - all in our hallway.

All ants were swimming by 7:28.

As I walked my children into childcare at school at 7:40, I felt a strange draft but dismissed it as a weather front.

My son told me that he did not feel well and I told him he really DID feel well at 7:43.

7:44, 7:45, 7:46 were spent trying to find the unusual odor emanating from my purse and discovering a squished Cutie orange, an opened bottle of bubble blowing solution, and no tissues or napkins in the car.

7:58 and two minutes from the start of class, a panel truck stalled and blocked the intersection right in front of me.

At 8:07 I walked into class and discovered the reason for the odd breeze again blowing up my front. It was the result of an inappropriate foundation garment under my rather sheer sweater.

I turned the classroom lights off at 8:08 and announced we would have to keep it very dark for the entire session so that they couldn't see my clothing goof they could better see the PowerPoint presentation I planned to use as a lecture base.

At 8:10, the students complained that it was so dark they couldn't even see their notes and I realized that my flash drive, complete with presentation and notes, was at home.

It's best I not tell you what happened at 8:11.

Oh yes, he made us proud!

Someday,

1) when we get the official dvd from the show AND

2)when I get smart enough to figure out how to do it,

3) I will post a video.

It's the second part of that equation that's a little uncertain.

The Best of My City

The sign says, "I DO STOP FOR ANIMALS."

But what about people????

FF: Wherein Caution Gets Pushy, Dreamy, Busy, and Confused

Hey, Mrs. 4444, if my family camps in Michigan's Upper Peninsula this summer, I think we should just keep driving until we get close enough to have dinner with you! Think about what magnificent Friday Fragments I could get from that visit!

~Have you ever received an email from someone and been pleased, but then hours later realized it wasn't such a nice email after all?

~My friend asked if she and her family could come to church with us last week. What a joy that was!

~I don't understand morning people at all.

Then again, I don't understand night owls.

Deductively, where does that leave me?

~At what point does the no-cost Kitchen Fairy come clean my kitchen while I'm at work?

~During the final scene of "The Music Man" last night, my son had his costume pants on inside out - and it was obvious. We took my friend's admonition to heart and didn't say a thing for fear of embarrassing him. Later, as we walked to the car he said, "I'm sure you couldn't tell, but I think my pants were inside out. I thought it was strange that the fly was INSIDE the pants."

I actually had two Angel books to give away. One is going to Betty at A Corgi in Southern California and one is going to Daily Decadent. Please email me your mailing addresses, ladies.

One year ago you all told me to take down the wallpaper in my bathroom. I finally did that!! Now for the painting. It's all going to be finished by April. Oh yes it is!!

A car in front of me this week had a window sticker advertising a urologist. WHY?

And Again

Last week, our daughter thoroughly enjoyed her Seussical experience. The show was nicely done, and while I may or may not have been lost through much of it, I was happy that my daughter was so proud to be part of the cast.

Tonight our boy gets to show us his Winthrop side and we can't wait to experience The Music Man with him. You know how I feel about saying, "Break a leg," and two nights ago at rehearsal, a set did run over and break another boy's foot, so we'll go with the family favorite,

"We love you and we're mighty proud of you!"

I'm an excellent wife; I'm an excellent mother ...

My back-to-nature quest started when Checkered asked for this as a wedding gift. I thought it would be romantic and good for us. That positive feeling lasted until I learned there was no bathroom.

A few years later, with a potty training toddler and another baby due in a month, we moved up to something that looked like this because it would be better for us. That "good for us" feeling lasted one trip.

Two babies after that, with our family out of sleeping room in the Nomad, the transition was to this: I can't say that I ever experienced any feeling whatsoever about this one.

Last year we finally made it to this: Now that felt good!

But then I began to think of nature and how much fun the neighbors have when they camp. Resonating in my memory were images of father/son bonding, birds chirping, togetherness, something that could fit inside our garage, and I suggested we buy this:


I'm an excellent wife; I'm an excellent mother ...
I'm an excellent wife; I'm an excellent mother ...

How long do you suppose I'll have to say that before I really feel we did the right thing?

Giving Away Angels

Some time ago, the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group asked me to review Dr. David Jeremiah's book, Angels. As a self-professed fiction lover, I wasn't sure that this title would hold much interest for me. I was right. I was wrong.

Even after decades in Sunday school and church, my knowledge of angels was surprisingly limited. The word, angel, always brings up images of cherubs. Cute, cuddly, child-like beings who made appearances at Christmas. I love cherubs, so I read the book. Working with me is so complex!

What I learned is that angels are much more than I gleaned from my Sunday school lessons. They are messengers (think Gabriel), warriors, enlighteners, comforters, servants, protectors, defender, guides. What they're decidedly not is cute, cuddly and fuzzy.

I loved Dr. Jeremiah's walk through Biblical accounts of angels. The journey he takes us on is a fascinating story of God's provision for His people.

Although the book begins slowly and perhaps ends similarly, this is a book worth a handful of hours of your time. What I gleaned that is of greatest importance to me is that God is still the author and finisher of our faith. All else pales in comparison.

WaterBrook Multnomah graciously has given me a copy of the book to give to someone else. If you are interested, please note that in a comment. If need be, I'll draw a name from the proverbial hat.

P.S. This book was provided for review by the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group.